Saturday, October 21, 2006
I'm a Porsche 911!
You have a classic style, but you're up-to-date with the latest technology. You're ambitious, competitive, and you love to win. Performance, precision, and prestige - you're one of the elite,and you know it.
Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.
Haha! that's me.
what say you?
'fallen_angel'
11:30 PM
Saturday, October 14, 2006
i'm tired,
i'm still trying very hard to recover from my illness,
i'm stressed out,
i'm losing my battle with sanity,
i'm falling back into a self-destructive rut,
i'm beginning to hate myself again.
i wanna blog because i just watched World Trade Center.
but i'm really not in the right state of mind now.
abit groggy from no sleep, work, permanently putting on a mask.
just a word of advice: dont waste money on the show. go watch if you just wanna find a legitimate reason for crying in public. dont watch if you're thinking of Titanic. download, or wait for dvd/vcd. mark my words.
i need to sleep.
badly.
even after my dad's valium, i still cant sleep.
there's something wrong with me.
i'm supposed to be able to sleep anytime, anywhere, no matter what happens.
wish me luck.
'fallen_angel'
1:17 AM
Monday, October 09, 2006
i feel horrible.
my whole body's weak and aching.
my head is spinning.
my nose is leaking.
i had no choice but to take MC today from work.
i woke up and went to work in the morning... going against the wishes of my body.
in the end, i was feeling so so very terrible that i felt like fainting while delivering newspapers.
after working for 2 hours, i had no choice but to go home.
wasted my time waking up so early.
grrr....
so i'm using the first of my 2 days MC.
and i think the virus is working its way down to my stomach to gimme a stomach flu.
i can feel it already.
i might have to take tmw off too...
sigh...
this sucks.
i hate SIP.
should i or should i not?
if i go to work, i'm just afraid i wont get enough rest and i wont recover.
but if i dont go to work, it means another day of MC.
shit.
how?
how?
how?
i'm all groggy from the medication.
going to bed now...
bye all...
so they say...
good luck, fortune and happiness never fails to shun my way...
misfortune and unhappiness finds me wherever i go, whatever i do.
i miss you.
'fallen_angel'
8:06 PM
Sunday, October 08, 2006
i'm sick.
fever, sore throat, runny nose, headache, etc.
and i'm quite sure that the main culprit is the freaking haze that's clouding our lives.
last night i went drinking again.
and i think my alcohol tolerance level has risen quite abit... drinking more than usual, i didnt get as woozy as i usually would.
but what i wanted to say was the the haze outdoors was worse than the haze in the pub, where people are smoking everywhere in an air-conditioned place.
wadehell lar.
and my sensitive nose just gave way and i woke up with all that i mentioned above.
wanted to take MC... but couldnt bear to waste my only 2 days of entitlement cos i'm sure i'll need more over the next four months.
sigh...
my head is spinning now...
and i still have to work morning shift tmw.
i need to sleep.
surviving on 3 to 4 hours of sleep each night is not good.
it's beginning to take its toll on me and on everything i do.
but i cant seem to sleep when i need to.
i fall asleep while trying to read emails at work.
i fall asleep during my meal breaks while eating.
i fall asleep on the bus and MRT.
i fall asleep in the car.
but the moment i lie in bed, when the lights are off and the night is quiet,
i cant sleep.
i close my eyes and i start dreaming even before i fall asleep.
and i find myself awake soon after.
i dunno why that is so...
too many messy thoughts in my mind maybe.
to everyone who's wondering what happened,
you can ask me if you really wanna know.
i'll tell you the facts and as for everything else, its up to you to decide.
the difference between now and before, is that i no longer want to be put within risk of being given an ultimatum of 15 minutes to delete my entries again.
and i no longer wanna be accused of victimising others and making myself seem like the poor thing in the story.
whatever happened, happened for a reason.
and in everything that happens between 2 people takes 2 hands to clap.
i'll stop here.
the more i go on, the higher the risks.
i'm still in pain but i'll recover.
maybe not completely, but i will.
i have to.
cos i cannot let the past repeat itself.
take care everyone...
i miss you all...
'fallen_angel'
8:17 PM
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Conclusion: Getting pissed drunk 3 days in a row is not good.
not good for your physical health and neither is it good for your mental wellness.
The usually nice to everyone at work me started snapping at people who got on my nerves early in the morning.
And this morning, I was late for work. AGAIN.
2nd time!
I've never had the habit of being late for work. More often than not, I'm early.
Idiot.
Serves me right for downing Martell till 12plus last night though I was supposed to wake up at 4.30am.
Today at work, I found myself with more responsibilities than usual.
And by right, I shouldn't have any problems handling them.
Sigh.
And when Rose called me while I was paying for my retail therapy,
to ask me about some envelope that she swears she saw me holding,
i blanked out.
"envelope? what envelope? i dunno... i have no impression of myself holding the envelope. i swear!"
I ended up getting scolded by her but i really dunno!
I'm still thinking if she's right or she made a mistake.
shit.
sigh.
my heads all light and heavy at the same time.
the only thing i can be glad of is that i go drinking with my dearest cousin so i know there's always someone to take care of me and i know i'll never do foolish things once i get drunk.
better still, my dad sponsors my Martell and Chivas!
haha... indirectly lar...
Anyway,
I indulged in a little bit of retail therapy this afternoon while waiting for my mum to end work so she can send me home.
Did I mention that she's joined a new company and her office is in Shaw Centre? Haha... yeah.
went into Zara and just took whatever caught my eye.
so satisfying.
i haven't shopped decently for more than half a year!
goodness...
anyway, i was so excited that i mistakenly took a pair of leggings that are too small for my thunder thighs.
-_-"
yeah so... i have to go back and exchange tomorrow.
maybe get one more item.
today didn't have much time.
but i have to keep reminding myself that i have limited pay.
like SUPER UBER limited. this latest paycheck? $307.
like... WTF?
so yeah.
i guess now i have time to go work part-time?
no other commitments except for internship.
if people like Jovi can still work at Waraku despite internship,
i guess i can too.
at least with a part-time job to occupy my nights, i wont have the time and energy to think too much, much less get mself pissed-drunk at a place my dad frequents like his 2nd home.
so yeah.
i'll still think about it.
i think i still have Lawrence's number.
hmmm...
maybe some other place that isnt so strict to their staff... somewhere i can drink and enjoy on the job.
maybe... maybe...
yesterday was our first FBMA youth arm meeting.
at Conrad Hotel.
So now, I'm officially the PR Manager.
sounds great huh?
I feel up to the challenge, and I hope I don't let myself down.
At least I'm working in line with my goals to go into Communications.
Though my first love would still be journalism, i guess i wouldn't wanna study it.
get what i mean?
i need a career that i can satisfy myself with. Journalism can be a hobby.
oh well.
and... F&B will be my first platform. because it is where i know i can definitely excel in. it is where i know i have the knowledge and expertise in. one step at a time. in terms of life and career, i'm still very young and tender.
and my assistants? Sherry and DreY!
haha...
PR is gonna be a freaking havoc department.
happening sia
haha...
i hope we'll work well together with passion and commitment. The exact same ingredients needed to succeed in the F&B industry.
i've thought of our directions and goals already so it's a good start i guess.
i want to turn back time.
i want to forget the present.
i wanna un-do all the happiness i've caused myself and others.
i wanna un-do everything i've done to hurt myself and my loved ones.
will i ever get a chance?
if i do, will i take it?
i wanna go on a long long holiday.
alone and peacefully.
i think i lost myself somewhere along the past 3 years...
i need to search for the true me.
i wanna travel to places like Eqypt, New Zealand, Australia, Switzerland, Italy, France, etc...
i need a sponsor who's willing to gimme the money but at the same time dont want to travel with me.
hahaha...
like so impossible.
Walking in Zara with its winter collection,
i dream of a white christmas in somewhere like Japan or London.
it's been a long time since i first had this dream.
and i still have it.
it burns within me and its like a flame that grows bigger and stronger as the years pass by.
now i need to go sleep early.
cos tmw early morning have to go SIR building with granny...
probably gonna need a sleeping pill but yeah...
good night all...
'fallen_angel'
8:15 PM
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
i realised once again today that drinking doesnt solve a thing.
it only succeeds in giving me a champion hangover and brings me tears.
i walked away because it's all i could do then.
i knew i'd lose all my courage if i turned back.
it hurt so bloody much to walk away...
but i had to.
i love you so... and hence i'm letting you go.
you want it, we'll do it. your way.
good night.
i'm going to bed to nurse the head and the heart.
'fallen_angel'
2:14 AM
Sunday, October 01, 2006
i was 1 whole damned hour late for work this morning.
supposed to be at work before 7.30am and guess what time i woke up?
7.20
all because i turned off my alarm instead of snoozed it.
had to stay till 4.30 hence.
irritating.
and Mr. Dantin bought us Haagen-dazs ice cream!
haha...
so I had haagen-daz and mac's for lunch.
yum~!
haha...
he's so sweet =)
just the other day Komoda-san bought us haagen-dazs too.
i guess having a shop opposite us is quite a fortunate thing too huh?
finally had a chance to have dinner with my family too...
not very nice ah... cos dad has the habit of trying new kopitiams.
haha...
but i'm craving bak kut teh.
shit.
i can never lose my craving unless i satisfy it.
i wonder how long it'll take.
haha...
from today onwards, i got mostly morning shifts so i hope this means i get my life back.
even if it's only for awhile.
and since i just got my pay,
k-box anyone?
hurry hurry!
i need my kakis to satisfy my other craving.
i got more cravings.
most immediate one would be my bed, pillow and comfy blanket.
so i shall go about satisfying it now...
i crave you. when will i get my satisfaction?
'fallen_angel'
8:33 PM
