Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Today was generally a happy day. So why am I so down? Sigh. Let's see...
Morning, met him at his place at 10 am to eat prata. We went all the way to Pasir Panjang to eat prata for breakfast and it was sumptious! It's been a really long time since I last tasted freshly made and light/fluffy prata. Ate 2 and couldn't eat anymore cos I'm having my freaking period and the cramps destroyed my appetite entirely. Sad. Anyway, what I enjoyed the most was the bus rides. The kisses we shared and those moments when he looked into my eyes and said "I love you". They'll remain in my heart for a long time to come. After prata, we took bus no. 10 to Harbourfront to wait for 1 pm which is when we'll be meeting the rest of them to go bowling. Still early so we decided to chill at Starbucks first while waiting and I thoroughly enjoyed my mango/raspberry frappucino blended tea. Then whatever happened next, I have no wish to elaborate...let's just say it set me off on a lousy foot. But my insecurity just betrayed me when I heard HER name. I know it's silly of me and I truly trust my baby. But it's just natural for me it seems. Sigh. Settled and I love him, he loves me. =D
Went bowling at Mount Faber SAFRA and I must say the SAFRA there is like so damn freaking new. Like literally spick-and-span clean, big, spacious and the lanes are just wonderful to bowl on. I was distracted so I couldn't concentrate on the game and didn't bowl well but oh well. Expected lar. Anyway, bowling was fun. Scores didn't matter cos I had the company of really sweet friends and of cos my darling. We had a good laugh about the lousy techno songs that were playing in the alley...super gross sia.
Then came salsa class in TAS. As usual, I enjoyed it thoroughly. Salsa's so super duper fun lar...And I finally know why they say salsa can tone your ass, thighs and waist. Tiring man. Looking forward to the next lesson next week. Only bad thing, partners have to be rotated. Sigh. I was mood went down at a point in time but I decided that I'm not gonna let others dictate my emotions. They don't matter...I do. But somehow, I was already a little moody for the rest of the night. Maybe just tired lar. Most probably...Definitely. Until at Mac's, he got so super annoyed that I was hurt by the way he treated me...so cold...so distant...so heartbreaking. I told myself that it's just him and I will get used to it...I think I'm already getting used to it but I just need some time to not be affected by it. Point was that he was already pissed so I didn't wanna piss him off anymore than he already was so I didn't really make a big fuss out of it.
What really is nagging at me right now, is the fact that I'm not a good talker. As in, I've always been an excellent listener to all my friends and that's probably because they love to talk. I don't know if I'm juz being really silly, or am I too sensitive for my own good... I knew all along that he is disturbed by the fact that we seem to have nothing to talk about and it has troubled me too. What troubled me wasn't that we had nothing to talk about. It was more because he was affected and as always, it hurts me to see him down or upset or frustrated in any way. I tried, but obviously it madde things worse. I feel stupid. Now, I've decided to leave it be...no point trying so hard for this insignificant issue anyway. It's demoralising no doubt but not the end of the world. Now I just dunno how to call him at night...Even though I might have nothing to talk about, all I really want is to hear his voice, listen to him say good night, sweet dreams and I love you in that voice of his. Is that too little for him? Or too much to ask for? Sigh. I'm at a loss now. How? I really love him and I don't wanna let small stuff like that affect our blooming relationship. I guess I'll just have to think of another way lar. Sigh.
Late at night now...I wanna go sleep. Hopefully it won;t be another sleepless night for me. Sweet dreams Cleo...and may the angels bless my baby while he sleeps soundly tonight. I love you, dear. Truly, I do...
'fallen_angel'
12:51 PM