Friday, December 30, 2005
final day of waiting!
+++++++++++
phew.
at long last.
he's probably somewhere among the clouds falling asleep or stoning.
oh well
i'm being lame...
sorry if my entry seems kinda incoherent and crazy...that's how i am now :)
just made chocolate-coated strawberries and grapes!haha
damn cool
expensive stuff ah...but what to do?
hershey's chocolate eh!
my first batch was beautiful...so proud of myself :D
the second batch screwed up cos i act smart go and heat the chocolate for too long.
in the end everything harden up...annoying shit.
so, i only have about 10 presentable chocolate-coated strawberries to bring to the party tmw.and there are like 20 people who's gonna be there?shit.
sigh
guess i got no choice but to make more.or...just leave it and share it with the early birds and my darling.muahaha...evil evil.
but if i were to go buy more, i'll have to spend at least 20 bucks more.
heartpain sia.
should i? or should i not?the devil vs the angel.hmphwho's gonna triumph?
sigh...
let me ponder over it again.
let's see.
tomorrow's party shall start about 7...
wonder if he'll ask me to go earlier?
i wanna go help set up...feel bad letting him do it alone.
somehow i feel like i should.
but he keeps saying he'll think about it.
bleah
annoyingly annoyingirritatingly irritatingand i need to find myself a freaking job?
sigh
i'm like perpetually broke.even today's cash for chocolate-coated strawberries were contributed by my dear Chloe...cos she just got her freaking pay!arghjealous
1000 plus eh
hmph
i desperately need a job.who got lobang?please please...pretty pretty please?sigh
and i feel bad not being able to pay the hp bills for myself and my sisters anymore...and i feel bad asking mummy for pocket money each weekand i feel bad asking mummy for transport feesi never had to...why now?argh!
Pan Pacific screwed up my life sia...
or rather, the people in pan pacific screwed up my life.
shittified assholes.
and dear said he bought me something from japan!
haha...
so over-the-moon happy lar...
i don't care what it is...cos i know i'll love it no matter what
thanks dear!now i can't wait for tomorrow to come so i can see what the hell it is...
for now, i'm just praying that he'll be safe...arrive safe and sound in Singapore tonight.that's all i wish for...i know it sounds silly but i can't help worrying...
p.s. people coming tomorrow, 7 pm...or anythime after that's fine too. need to know where the hell it is? call me or him, or whoever you think might know. see ya guys tomorrow!!! i can't wait! haha...ciao ciao!
'fallen_angel'
5:09 PM
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Day 6 of his absence.
+++++++++++
barely mid-day and i'm feeling so down already...
sigh
went for OSIP briefing at TP today, with Mr. Aloysius Lee and Ms. Ivy Tan
all went perfectly well until Ms. Tan said we would all have to prepare at least $3K to $5K in order for them to consider us for the OSIP...it's for security sake.
some seniors from last year went OSIP and during their 23 weeks, they were not paid a single cent of pay nor allowance. furthermore, they had to pay for their own food, accomodation and airfare.
all that while their fellow friends in Singapore were given a monthly allowance of at least S$500.
i'm okay with not getting a pay cos i get the experience in return.
but where am i gonna get the 3 to 5 thousand bucks from???
sigh
guess i'll have to give the OSIP a miss and keep my aspirations grounded locally.
i believe i have so much more to offer than Singapore can receive. i wanna go somewhere where i can learn of things never taught here. i wanna go overseas!!!
that's a major disappointment of my year 2005.
sigh
and he's still not back.
last night, my hp lagged and i didn't receive his last few smses
neither did he receive mine.
when i found out, i was so upset i had difficulties falling asleep
sigh
why?
dunno...
i know u'll probably say i'm being very silly but i couldn't help it...
i really tried to sleep!!!
anyway, tomorrow have to go all the way to school to sign-up for elective and CDS...online.
yes, online.
my comp at home can't log-in TP webbie!
and that's why i'll have to go to school...
please whoever and whoever, do not fight me for the comp!
i gotta help Tian select his subjects too...
so don't screw-up on me or i'll live my life in guilt forever.
serious!
ha-ha.
retarded.
oh and for the sake of darling Edna, i know i've got enough readers here so here's it:there's gonna be a massive new year's eve bash at Ngee Ann City called "Get the funk out".and she's selling tickets for only $20. the usual price is $25 and $35 (guys and gals respectively). interested? call her at 97427488.hurry hurry!not much time left...i know many of you are gonna go for the Siloso Beach one with sand, sea, foam, bikini babes and topless hunks. but just give it some thought alright?
and those of you who confirmed the party with us at Holland V., no backing out!!!
quite abit of time has past between us but nothing has changed.
my feelings haven't...in any case, it has grown.
hope you can feel that...
i've believed that it takes more than love to keep 2 people in a relationship
i still believe that.
but now, i've come to accept that even if there's just love and nothing more, it's not impossible.
cos the love will eventually tell me to work for it and make it succeed.
i'm blabbering.
bleah bleah bleah
okay...i'll stop here to continue eating my maggi mee.
ciao ciao...
'fallen_angel'
1:28 PM
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Day Four of his absence.
+++++++++++
bleah
i can't believe i'm even counting.
he's all the way in Hokkaido, Sapporo now
sigh
another boring day.
went TP in the afternoon for project meeting
and as usual, Alvin MIA-ed, and was at home sleeping at our meeting time, 2 pm.
shittified.
so fed-up sia.
sigh
made good progress with projects...doing well so far..hope we don't lose steam later like we always do...
went down to town after meeting to walk around.
wanted to get a replacement of the Forever21 earrings i lost,
ended up buying the golden one instead of the silver one...cos...it was out of stock!!!
sad.
but ended up with 2 new sets of bangles.
shit...waste money only lar
then, went to kinokuniya to look for my Red Lily.
and i found the exact version i needed to complete my collection!
phew.
wanted to get some FM resources from Orchard library but sadly, don't have.
that pathetic library is scarce of all important resources.
to save my already thinning wallet resource, i went home.
and here i am.
haha...
another day of missing him just passed.
at least 2 to 3 more days to go.
there's so much i wanna say to him but i think i'll be speechless all over again when he gets back
sigh
i wonder why
i never seem to have anything to talk about...
but when we don't call each other everynight,
i feel this hideous void somewhere in my heart.
i know i've not been totally honest with everything in my life...
and i don't need anyone to tell me that
but isn't it better to look forward and ahead instead of backwards and into the rearview mirror?
sigh
i hope everyone around me can understand that...
i hope people can stop reminding me of things that happened in the past
i'm trying to build up a new life for myself
because i still have the belief that this world can be a beautiful place to live in...
a beautiful place my children and grandchildren of the future can grow up in.
so
i desperately wnat that chance to design my life the way i want it to be...
full of love, beauty, warmth and lots more...
i know the ugly side...but i also believe that it can be ignored and left out of your sight if you really want to.
sounds idealistic?
but what's a life withour hopes and dreams?i'm dreaming...
of a white christmas...
and so much so much more...
who can give it to me?
'fallen_angel'
8:41 PM
Sunday, December 25, 2005
DAY 2
+++++++++++
just had an hour-long sms chat with him.
yes...he's still in Hokkaido
but he bothered to sms me...
sigh
all of a sudden i feel so 'xing fu'
and cos his room is in the basement, there's no reception in it...
he had to go out to the balcony and stick his hand out to get reception on his hp...
and what's more, it's snowing really really heavily over in Hokkaido.
means? it's freezing cold...and he endured it just cos he missed me and wanted to talk to me.
why haven't i known how sweet he can be?
sorry dear, i know you don't like me to blog about us but i really can't help it today...really had to let it out.sigh.
it feels horrible that i can't give him one big christmas hug today...sad.
i'll make it up to him when you return on Friday :)
it's day 2 now and 5 more days to go...
i'm already missing you like crazy...thank goodness he promised to sms me every now and then throughout the day cos everyday i'm just waiting for nightfall, when him get back to his room for his sms...
now hopefully, my wait can be shortened :)
i just feel really bad about his mum's hp bill that come at the end of the month...it's gonna skyrocket...
i can only say i'll try to cut it short...
sigh.
now i'm just sitting alone in my living room, listening to MP3s on my comp, reading the lyrics to some of them and feeling oh so lonely. supposed to do some work for project, but no mood. it's Christmas Day, for goodness' sake!!! sigh.
can't wait for him to come back... i know he was really upset when he tagged here and i don't blame him. i guess he's also entitled to his own opinion when it comes to matters like this...and i've realised that i'm also at fault for making him sound so so bad at times...my dear, i'm sorry.i truly am...for every, every thing i've done to upset you.so many things i did wrong and so many things i wanna make up to you... give us another chance...i wanna learn how to give more than i wanna take...i wanna cherish and hold on to what we share. let me try...give me some time to prove it all to you...come home soon...
'fallen_angel'
10:18 PM
Merry X'mas!
it's christmas day today, so let me do some updating on my 'eve of eve' and eve.
23rd Dec
slept till 2 pm
woke up, rushed down to town to meet him for lunch...
wnated to watch movie but no time so we ended up eating at cartel @ plaza singapura
i was just dreading the night to come cos it means that he's gonna leave for japan.
but then it again, it also meant the ChinaBlack party which i felt was gonna be fun
about 6, sent him home and we chatted for awhile outside his house's bus-stop
then he went home, i went back to town
only 6.45!
and i'm only meeting drey and cal at 9 pm.
2 hours plus more to go...
so i just walked around, went shopping but decided i can't buy anything cos i don't wanna be carrying plastic bags to CB
finally drey came while i was reading the new Red Lily N.R. novel...the last of my long-awaited trilogy. i wanna buy!!!
sigh
then we went NYDC at Wheelock to eat while waiting for cal
met mel and her peter working... :D
went CB, and without any reason became in charge of selling tix instead of having fun
but oh well, i'm a willing victim :)
cal couldn't enter till 12 midnight...so he had to wait outside for joo, val and gang...
me, rozy and drey went in and starting with vodka lime, and by 11.30, we were dancing already.
the music was ok...but we got so fed up with these few annoying guys we ended up dancing on the podium, above the crowd and away from the guys. haha. pathetic fools.
and i got scolded by matthew cos he thought it was 2 free drinks and drinks go for $3 and $10 after that. he never knew that it was only applicable for before 12 midnight and he came to drink...after 12!!!
sigh
i'm so so sorry...i didn't know it too...all the peeps i was with was disappointed too..made me feel bad.
and i think i'll never go back to CB again, unless i don't have a choice.
sucks.
imagine this...i stopped dancing after 2 pm. how sad is that?
and i barely turned red from drinking. if u know me well enough, 2 sips of wine is enough to turn me red. so imagine how sad the drinking situation was. bleah.
ended up leaving about 4 plus, went Swensen's at Crown Prince hotel to eat supper/breakfast.
and what amused us most was the power trips that happened 3 times!!!
so funny...the staff's reactions and all that. haha
reached home about 6.45 am, showered and slept like a pig.
feeling abit sick from the lack of sleep and not-yet-recovered food poisoning, i didn't go to visit Mrs. Tan
and i feel so bad.
i've even prepared a gift for her.
sigh...
i ended up sleeping till 5 pm,
went for dinner with mum, dad, chantal and drago at the airport...sakae sushi...
then headed to tiong bahru so we could go to Grand Copthorne Waterfront...
a few of my friends booked a room and we were gonna count down to christmas...
ended up playing stupid games like 'secret code', indian poker and cross-dressing.
yes, cross-dressing.
the guys got the honour of being made up by the girls with eye-shadow, blusher and lipstick...and even had to wear the halter tops and skirts we brought...muahaha..they look so funny...and pretty!
and us girls? worse...the guys brought out their camouflage face paint and used us as canvases.
i can safely tell u one thing...that green and black thingy is sooooo smelly, sticky and the moment it got onto my face, i knew i was gonna get pimples...james and sam, i hate u!!! haha..but it was kinda fun ah...
the 4 of us took almost 15-20 mins in the toilet trying to wash it off later.
i swear we were screaming our heads off and the prospect of going around with green faces cos it wouldn't come off at all....i scrubbed my face with facial wash 5 times!!! in the end, i thought of my waterproof eye makeup remover and thank goodness, it worked. but half the bottle's gone...sad case...
after all that rubbish, it was already 5 am and everyone fell fast aslp.
woke up at 9, washed up, left for home, and now, here i am.
going to Aunty Mildred's house later.
hopefully it won't be so boring.
craps.
well, i'll be back again tonight for more updates...
p.s.
i'm missing you like crazy though it has only been a day or so.
i know u're not happy...but i can only say i'm sorry...
and i love you
come home soon!!!
what's a festive season without the one(s) you love?
so what's this festive season without you?
'fallen_angel'
10:53 AM
Thursday, December 22, 2005
as much as i don't want to, i still love you.
given a choice, i'd rather i didn't.
really...
i never thought loving someone can be so tough
but i've learnt my lesson
especially when it's not totally reciprocated the way you want it to.
but nevertheless,
i love you, my dear.
'fallen_angel'
9:33 PM
silly day
bleah
went to school early in the morning at 8.30
met warren kok for consultation at 9.30
he said our FILA needs major improvements so we went back to the comp lab to re-do the FILA.
within an hour or so, we beefed up our FILA from 5 pages to 13 pages
massive sia
then we submitted the FILA and got the go ahead
initially thought could still go and watch Narnia
but not even a date for lunch so ate lunch at fare&square
i must be crazy
holiday eat fare&square's disgusting food
plus i ate curry with my not-yet-recovered food poisoning
how more retarded can i get?
anyway, ate abit and decided i don't wanna eat anymore
no where to go and bored, i thought of the Forever21 discount cardS i got and decided to go take a look
went to wisma and boy was it jam-packed.
singaporeans really no where to go sia.
can't even find space to walk
Forever21 was messy as usual and i spent almost 1 hour plus going through every single rack
i've gotten to doing this everytime i go there cos there's just SO many clothes all hidden in corners that i don't wanna miss out on any of the bargains there could possibly be.
was so tempted to buy so many prettiful tops but decided i was too broke for it.
bought accessories instead
a pair of gorgeous earrings, a set of bangles and a hair-band
all for just $20.
not satisfied yet but broke, i left.
headed for home
was actually hoping that he would finally call and decide he wanted to meet me and spend some time together but after waiting for so long, i gave up.
sad
oh well.
why am i not surprised?
got home, had terrible nausea, took my medicine, read abit then got drowsy and fell asleep.
at 5.30 pm
woke up at 8 pm
and now i'm here blogging.
just did my Facilities Management online quiz and the price for not studying?
35 marks out of 50
and that's 10% of my grades
pathetic piece of shit
then Drey asked me to go MOS tonight cos she got invites.
double pieces of shit
i wanna go!
but i guess the ChinaBlack party tomorrow's more important and i should rest well for that..
i wouldn't have to if i didn't eat Seoul Garden that day.
bleah
sigh
opportunity cost was huge.
missed out on an amazing session of k-box, watched silly movie, ate a hell lot and got sick.
argh
sorry folks, boring blog today but i'm sick...so...yeah:)
ciao ciao
'fallen_angel'
8:22 PM
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
this is the life story of a girl named Cleo (well, at least most of it)...it'll be a long and draggy post...if u've got no patience, skip it...trust me :)
it's not the full story with all the details cos that would take me another 2 more hours to write...and it would be far too draggy... another day... i'll get the whole story out. promise...
--------------------------------------
on the 12th June, 1987 a baby girl was born in the maternity wards of Mt. Elizabeth Hospital
to young and proud first-time parents Veronica and BK.
the young mother idolised the lead actress of the then-showing movie "Cleopatra"
and hence named her little princess after her...Cleopatra.
and that marked the start of her life as a part-royalty in her own way.
her parents were young, ambitious, intelligent and very much in love.
as partners in business, Advance Gravis Pte Ltd, a computer technology company was established, with daddy at the helm of it and mummy playing the crucial supporting role.
together, they worked hand-in-hand to build up their empire.
finally they succeeded with 4 showrooms in S'pore, more in Penang, Yugoslavia, etc...
in the meantime, 2 more little girls were added to the family - Chloe and Chantal.
3 distinctly different little girls who loved each other's company, never failed to bicker and never failed to have fun together.
Cleo, Chloe and Chantal were fortunate little girls who had loving parents.
despite busy schedules at work, time was always taken off and devoted to them...
outings, meals, gatherings, etc...
despite being pretty well-off, the girls never splurged.
toys were granted once in a while, treats to McDonald's were greatly looked forward to every Sunday morning.
But everything started to change when the family moved to a 3-storey corner terrace at Pasir Ris Park estate.
After spending close to a million on buying the house, renovating the entire facade and buying spanking new furniture, the family moved in when Cleo was about 9 years old...in 1996.
Cleo shared a room with her sisters and loved everything in the brand-new house.
lovely wide open spaces for playing games with sisters and cousins, royalty brass beds costing more than $2K and even an entire 3rd-storey filled with teddy bears! nights were spent reading and playing up in the attic, comfortable with carpeted floors, air-conditioning and clear views of the sea and stars above.
rabbits were reared and soon 2 became 14. they were the centre of the girls' lives as they fed the baby bunnies, chased them round the gardens and bathed them in pails of water.
evenings were spent cycling and roller-blading around the estate and Pasir Ris Park across the road.
neighbours made fast friends and soon, weekends and holidays were spent in the houses along the street and within the estate.
then came the troubles...
'97 and '98 proved as troubled times in S.E. Asia.
the haze from forest fires in Indonesia was succeeded by the worst financial crisis in many many years.
Stock markets crashed, businesses went bust, people were retrenched, hearts were broken and families were broken too.
as a new public-listed company, Advance Gravis Pte Ltd couldn't avoid it in any way.
it was the first time the couple had to face such a massive crisis and they had no idea how to handle it.
as kind-hearted as they are, they strongly refused to retrench their workers.
even though they made to their employees that they were now unable to pay their full salaries on time, the loyal workers stayed on...
to pay them, Veron and BK went to all ends to borrow money...just so that they could pay them at least a little...
little did they know that the end was nearing.
they never thought of putting aside some money for them and their family in case the worst happened.
their only thought was to pump in as much money into the business to keep it going...which proved fatal in many ways.
finally, the business had to close down...it crashed and the devastated couple lost everything they ever had...everything they ever depended on.
with no savings whatsoever, 3 little girls to feed and an old grandmother to support,
they almost broke down.
thoughts were given to ending their lives together with their little girls...to end their misery.
but a strong mind helped mummy convince daddy that it was not a thought to be considered...that they can always pick themselves up and start all over again.
soon, both of them were declared bankrupt and all possessions were confiscated - the house the girls came to love, the 2 Mercedes Benz and even the furniture in the house were confiscated and auctioned off in an attempt to pay off a part of their debt.but alas, the debt incurred was far too large... millions of dollars ($7 or $8 million if I'm not wrong)
it was dark, dark days for the family indeed.
the next few years were spent moving from house to house, and by the time Cleo was 12, they had moved 3 times to take advantage of cash earned and bigger spaces.
thankfully, mummy had the foresight to choose to contribute to their own CPFover the years and they were permitted to own a flat, provided they paid only with the money in their CPF, which no-one could touch even after they became bankrupt.
owing millions of dollars, the family had no hope of being discharged anytime soon and hence the best they could do was to make the best out of the worst.
being the eldest daughter, Cleo had the greatest responsibilities. She had to understand what the family was going through and look after her sisters cos they were too young to know what was happening.
no more maid and that meant she had to learn how to do the housework.
she was 12 at that time...P6.
while juggling preparations for PSLE, she had to do household chores at home.
mummy and daddy were busy looking for jobs, upgrading themselves, etc...
so within a week, she learnt to iron clothes for the whole family, cook simple meals, fold clothes, do the laundry and clean up the house. all at the tender age of 12.
it wasn't easy for her...having been pampered all her life.
before, she never even had to make her bed or clear the table after a meal.
now, she had to wash all the dishes and make the beds for her and her sisters.
the brightest part of those dark times was when Veron got pregnant with a new baby...it was an accident nonetheless but a pleasant surprise...something to look forward to...but how were they going to feed the baby when they could barely feed themselves anymore? well, it was a blessing from heaven and it couldn't be destroyed regardless.
as the pregnancy progressed, Veron had difficulties sleeping at night due to immense backpain from the weight of the over-sized baby growing in her.
to ease her pain and soothe her, Cleo volunteered to give her back-rubs and back massages every night.
she would massage her mother while squatting by her bed-side until she heard light snores...which meant mummy was fast asleep...then she'd creep back to her room, prepare for school the next morning and go to sleep.
Drago was finally born on Valetine's Day 2000.
soon, he proved to be the best thing that could happen to the family at that time...
no matter how bad a day anyone had, one look at the smiling, innocent look on his chubby face soothe everything and chased the blues away.
till today, Cleo believes that Drago saved the family from going down in the rut of times...
then she got into SCGS with an amazing PSLE score of 255 and that was despite situations and difficulties.
it was difficult to be in a school filled with rich girls and expensive lifestyles but she managed it with the help of the financial assistance scheme... she didn't enjoy school for she felt like an outcast...but she made a mark for herself by being active in sports, cheerleading and class activities.
throughout secondary school, she went through alot of situations that changed her...
her naive heart was taken advantage of over and over again, broken and mended, broken and mended...
and that she no longer wants to recall or remember...
to help make ends meet, she worked her way through secondary school so she didn't have to burden her mother with her pocket money...at times, she chipped in for family expenses too.
thankfully, she made it through O'levels and with flying colours...
offered a place in the prestigious Victoria Junior College, she turned it down to pursue her passion in hospitality and tourism... which is where she is today...Temasek Polytechnic (Tourism Academy@Sentosa)
the rest, as they say, is history in the making.
~by Cleopatra~
--------------------------------------
looking back, the bankruptcy of my parents was truly a blessing in disguise. before that, i was an arrogant, selfish, spoilt and pampered brat. i admit it and people such as Matthew, Leonard and Chin Leng would attest to that. I flaunted my family's wealth shamelessly and used it to put down people around me. I believed that i was the best around and didn't give 2 hoots about everyone else. Matthew once told me before my family went bankrupt - "Don't ever count your chicken before they hatch, you'll one day regret everything u once said to us". true enough, i regretted...deeply...an after that, we became best of friends. i learnt to appreciate the value of friends and the value of humility. I changed, i matured and i grew far beyond my tender age. it's difficult to explain or identify the amazing change in me, but it's there.
my mummy is one brave and courageous lady i admire...alot.
she never gave up and for the sake of the 4 of us, she persevered.
she supported my dad though when he was down and though till today, he hasn't found a stable job to help the family, she stood steadfast by him... that's the real admirable part.
having gone through so much as a family, is it a wonder why i love them so much and they mean so much to me? to douse doubts and misunderstandings about bankruptcy in Singapore, here are a few facts based on first-hand experience:
- yes, you can drive a car as long as the car is not registered under your name as the government doesn't confiscate your license.
- yes, you can still go overseas provided it is for work purposes or holidays if you can prove that someone else is paying for you
- and yes, you can own a house as long as you can prove that you or your family needs one to survive and as long as you don't have to fork out cash to pay. you're only allowed to use what you're permitted to use from your CPF account.
- and NO, you DON'T have to pay the debts for your parents if they're bankrupt. it is their personal liability...nothing to do with you...you're not burdened in anyway
- and finally, yes...you're not allowed to own mobile phone lines and cable TV lines, broadband accounts, etc...
in other words, no luxuries allowed...only the necessary required for survival.
anyway, i'll drop off here...
thanks for bearing with the long boring and naggy story...
ciao ciao!
'fallen_angel'
6:57 PM
it's time to whine...
1. i'm down with food poisoning
thanks to Seoul Garden last night with Cal and Tian.
craps.
vomited and diarrhoea whole night and whole of today.
i can't feel my legs under me already...
and my head is spinning...from the nausea medicine.
the worst part was when i almost puked in the salon while the girl was ironing my hair.
gross...thank god i didn't.
2. i rebonded my hair again.
and the clumsy hairdresser kept on burning my scalp, cheeks and forehead when working with the flat iron.
annoying shit.
damn pain ah...
plus, i told her to layer my hair a little so there's some shape to it and what did she do?
she snip of so much of my hair that now i'm gonna have trouble tying it if i wanted to...so short!!!
i'm just not used to having short hair...and everyone says i look better with long hair...
oh-no. does that mean i look f-ugly now?
sigh
i hate my hair.
3. Seoul Garden's quality dropped.
like there's so little variety all we eat was the same stuff all over again.
and the poor over-worked staff.
i felt the pity sting at me throughout the entire meal.
that's why i never blamed them for stuff that went wrong...it's just no longer their fault.
the food was still kinda nice but very boring after a while.
what happened to the kick i got outta barbecuing lotsa food at the table?
it's gone.
sigh.
i don't believe it...
and this is the first time i got food poisoning outta it. crap.
4. old mighty King Kong didn't live up to the hype it generated
3 hrs of ultimate boredom.
the only parts that got my full attention was when the mighty beast went after tyrannosaurus-es to save the damsel in distress and quite grossly, it tore the dinosaurs' jaws in 2.
and King Kong was just not how i thought it would be.
amazingly, the show almost cheated the tears outta me when the giant creature was captured cruelly...it reflected how humans have total disregard for Mother Nature and her creations.
we're like the terrorists to nature and it's friends.
sigh
sad case.
and the whole theatre laughed when King Kong started throwing silly tantrums and acted like a 'BIG' baby.
so funny...
in that way, it succeeded.
but in more ways, it was a flop...at least to me.
draggy, boring, too much meaningless dialogue and more.
lastly, i have to sincerely apologise.to the girls in my class (SiYing, Joce, WeiTing, Siok and gang), plus Gavin too...apologies for not joining u guys for the k-box session despite having given my word beforehand.i initially thought we were going to ChinaTown 10-dollar club... but k-box so super expensive...i couldn't afford the cash...sorry...the next time, i'll make it a point to go... really...sorry again...i'll stop here before the post gets too long... i wanna include a special entry next... watch out for it in the space above this!
'fallen_angel'
6:24 PM
Monday, December 19, 2005
sorry...had to say this -
I wanna go MOS!!!Drey went on saturday and daddy went on friday...
daddy got free entry somemore without having to pay lor.
shittified.
he knows the bosses of MOS.
double shittified.
i wanna go i wanna go!!!!daddy, will you bring me if i promise to be a good girl? please please please? pretty pretty please?*goosebumps*
ugh...self-betrayal.
muahahaha
'fallen_angel'
6:50 PM
ok. an addition to the previous post on k-ing.
i'm supposed to say that Tian's SCREAMING songs are good!!!
haha
ok seriously, it's the first time we heard Tian sing properly...but it was songs like elvis presly and 'She'
haha.
good enough ah.
p.s. Jodin, erase that 5 seconds of memory from your brain...NOW!!! this is an order. hahahaha.
'fallen_angel'
6:33 PM
K-ing rocks!
okok.
i know i still got one test paper tomorrow morning but yes, we went k-box this afternoon for about 4 hrs.
had the time of my life with a few dudes...
Cal, Jodin, Desmond, Tian and of course, Gavin.
haha...
super duper HIGH!!!
i've never gotten so high at k-ing before.
the emotional rollercoaster was like 'woah...massive'
from super corny hokkien guas
to super emo love songs singing of broken hearts
to super high, screaming, head-banging songs from Linkin' Park, Zhang Zhen Yue and MayDay.
to the jinxed song of 'All Out Of Love'
yesh...if u read my blog from yesterday, it's the same song...coincidence?
haha...
so many of the songs today sang about the feelings in my heart now...like Jolin's 'Ni Hai Ai Wo Ma'....loosely translated as 'Do you still love me'. crap. i made Jodin eject the song halfway cos i could fel my tears threatening to break the bank again. bleah...sigh.
nevertheless, i enjoyed my self to the MAX.
thanks guys!
we have to do this once again!!!
don't care.
haha
oh and in case i forgot, thanks to Tian who was a sport and came along though he was so bored he started building pyramids outta poker cards. muahahaha... seriously.
some songs almost squeezed those impending tears outta my eyes and others made me super high, shagged and laugh like crazy.
i have to confess though, i don't think i can ever go k-ing and get so high without Gavin...haha...don't laugh.
i'm serious. he covers my 'fade-off' parts so well that i feel confident singing with him around
haha...
ok...getting kinda silly but yes, i'm serious.
Tomorrow supposed to go k-ing with the girls from my class but i think i'm broke...money-wise and voice-wise.
seriously...how to sing???
sigh.
and i seriously need to study FBO tonight or i'm so screwed.
Accounting today was awesome...simple like f***.
but i made a really really careless mistake costing me possibly the only deduction in the paper.
craps again.
sigh.
wish i checked a few more times but oh well...happy enough...
i'm like kinda sure half the cohort will get full marks la.
hahaha...get ready to PARTTTAYYYYY!!!!
ChinaBlack.....HERE I COME!!!P.S. who interested in partying the night away on the 23rd, tag me and u'll be in one of the most happening parties this christmas! serious. remember, TAG ME!!!
'fallen_angel'
6:10 PM
Sunday, December 18, 2005
i realised my blogs are all so super emo and so super long. crap. how? if it's annoying all my loyal readers, i sincerely apologise. tell me if i'm going too far aite? i tend to let my feelings get the better of me. i'm sometimes a tad too sensitive, emotional and passionate...especially when it comes to writing them down...oh well. i'll be back again. wish me luck for my exams the next 2 days!!!
'fallen_angel'
8:51 PM
argh!
mummy bought new hp...Panasonic VS3...
it's the one i've been aiming for for a while already...
sigh.
her previous hp less than 2 months old lar.
unfairness.
i want new hp!!!
sigh sigh sigh
actually i can sign my own line already...but mummy's using my name and now i'm stuck with the lousy nokia.
oh well.
heard Air Supply's "I'm all out of love" on daddy's car this evening and i almost cried again.
the lyrics pulled at this really tender chord somewhere in my heart and i almost couldn't control my feelings...especially when i heard the guitar solo...sigh...
for the benefits of those of you who don't know the lyrics of this song (shame on you), here's how it goes -
I'm lying aloneWith my head on the phoneThinking of you till it hurtsI know you're hurt tooBut what else can we do?Tormented and torn apartI wish I could carryYour smile in my heartFor times when my life seems so lowIt would make me believeWhat tomorrow could bringWhen today doesn't really knowDoesn't really knowChorus:I'm all out of loveI'm so lost without youI know you were rightBelieving for so longI'm all out of loveWhat am I without youI can't be too lateTo say that I was so wrongI want you to come backAnd carry me homeAway from these long lonely nightsI'm reaching for youAre you feeling it tooDoes the feeling seem oh so rightAnd what would you say If I called on you nowAnd said that I can't hold onThere's no easy wayIt gets harder each dayPlease love me or I'll be goneI'll be goneOh, what are you thinking of?What are you thinking of?Oh, what are you thinking of?What are you thinking of?yup...that's it.
it's that uncanny how some songs just reads your mind effortlessly like that.
sigh
you once told me that if i can't take it anymore, let you know...
cos chances are that you're probably feeling the same way...
but what if today i tell you that i can't take it anymore?
would you really feel that way too?
would you be willing to fall back into the canyon when you're unsure how deep is it and wheether or not you can ever get out of it? or whether or not you'll be happy staying in it for the rest of your life?
i really don't wanna doubt you...but i can't help but feel that way.
now every night, i lie in bed, stare at the empty ceiling and feel my heart hurting.
i tell myself to sleep so that the pain can be ignored and that's the reason why i choose to go to bed early...it shortens my waking hours and hence shortens my hurting hours.
i wanna learn to forget...i wanna learn to ignore my feelings...i wanna learn to forget the love i have for you.
may the angels watch over me while i embark on this almost impossible journey...
before i go...allow one last indulgence in cyberspace...
I WANT NEW HANDPHONE!!!!!thanks for tolerating me once again...ciao ciao!
'fallen_angel'
8:10 PM
Saturday, December 17, 2005
this little poem came to mind and i can't help but pen it down...
------------------------------------
If I told you I loved you
And I want you to myself
What would you do
Would you even help
If I told you I loved you
And that I never want to let go
Would you hold on to me too
And tell me you know
If I told you I loved you
How would you take it
Would you believe it was true
Or would you just fake it
If I told you I loved you
And I want to be your wife
Would you think that too
And welcome me in your life
If I told you I loved you
And that I care about you so much
Would you love me too
And kiss me a bunch
If I told you I loved you
And that I always will
Would you tell me your heart grew
And that you love me still.
------------------------------------
and here's something from Daniel Bedingfield...(slightly edited)
Never Gonna Leave Your SideI feel like a song without the words
A man without a soul
A bird without its wings
A heart without a home
I feel like a knight without a sword
The sky without the sun
cos you are the one
I feel like a ship beneath the waves
A child who's lost its way
A door without a key
A face without a name
I feel like a breath without the air
And every day's the same
since you've gone away
I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning
You used to be the one that put a smile on my face
There are no words that could describe how I miss youand I miss you everyday
yeah
and I'm never gonna leave your side
and I'm never gonna leave your side again
still holding on
I won't let you go
cos when I'm lying in your arms
I know I'm home
They tell me that a man can lose his mind
Living in the pain
Recalling times gone by
And crying in the rain
You know I've wasted half the time
And I'm on my knees again
'till you come to me
yeah
I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning
You used to be the one that put a smile on my face
There are no words that could describe how I miss you
and I miss you everyday
yeah
and I'm never gonna leave your side
and I'm never gonna leave your side again
still holding on
I won't let you go
I lay my head against your heart
I know I'm home
I know I'm home
I know I'm home
and I'm never gonna leave your side
and I'm never gonna leave your side again
still holding on
I won't let you go
cos when I'm lying in your arms
I know I'm home
'fallen_angel'
8:41 PM
come to think of it, we would have passed the 3-month mark last thursday on the 15th... if we were still an item... funny how things can change within such a short period of time... it's a sad state of affairs... i still remember the 15th of September... the night of Quidam... a happy night...a night i hope i can relive soon... if anything and in case i never get a chance to tell you this, i'd like to thank you for the happy memories you gave me...i'll treasure them for a long time to come... Thank you very much...really... sometimes, i just wished i was born with a little less passion, a little less love for people and a little more love for myself... would i be happier? i guess i'll never know i'm not happy now and i dunno when i'll be...probably when i meet someone who loves me unconditionally and totally... someone who doesn't need to consider whether the love exists... someone who's sure of his love for me, as much as i'm sure of my love for him... one day...one day...my chance will come... for now, i'll try to be that person for him... if that's what makes him happy... cos whatever the case, i know i'm still in love... i thought of so many stuff last night.
like i asked myself: "can i go on with life normally and happily without being with the love of my life?"
and i realised that yes, i can go on with life normally.
but no, i cannot be happy.
i can never be happy without love as a priority in my life.
then i asked myself: "can i picture myself with him for the rest of my life?"
and i thought yes, i can.
but not with the present differences and misunderstandings between us.
then i realised that no matter how disheartening and hurting it is, it can't be denied that it's for the better good.
"we didn't break up for no reason"
yes. i agree.
but i'm still hurt, sorry.
i don't know how long it'll take...
2 weeks, 3 months, 1 year or 5 years?
i'll try for as long as it takes...or at least till i no longer see hope in trying.
my plans for the future does affect you and i can see that.
but i hope you realise that your plans for OUR future will directly affect my plans, for as long as i see you as a part of my plans.
like if there's really a future, i'll think twice about being an air stewardess.
i'll think twice about flying to Switzerland to study, work and settle down even.
i'll think twice about where i wanna work even!
doesn't mean i won't do it...just that i'll consider more carefully.
sometimes, i admire people who see love and relationships as a burden in life.
they can fly to wherever they wanna go to
go out with whoever they wanna spend time with
do whatever suits their ideals and lifestyle dreams
and be so carefree and happy at the same time.
suddenly, it feels as though i've come a long long way from my days at SCGS.
i mean, for my O'levels, i got 7 points... and that's damn pretty good.
today at TP? i'm scraping Bs and Cs.
what the hell's going wrong?
projects are a major factor cos it's not just my efforts and my work that counts.
that alone drags my grades down a million times.
next, distractions.
somehow, secondary school time gave me so much more distractions but it never seemed to affect me as much as now.
sigh.
i know that i didn't make a wrong choice.
but i need to buck up to make sure i prove it to everyone around me.
i've got management accounting and F&B operations tests on monday and tuesday but i can't seem to get down to studying.
my mind's so so occupied by lots of other stuff.
i know da jie da's right...
that studies should be priorities right now but it seems so impossible to me now...
sorry for the incoherent blog entry today...
but that's exactly how my mind is like now...incoherent...
p.s. which colour nicer???
blue or
purple??? (sorry...just curious :P)
'fallen_angel'
7:11 PM
Friday, December 16, 2005
i know it's early in the morning at 9.23 am
but i just can't help but tell the whole world about someone who made my day
and that's our da jie da in school.
she replied my email early in the morning with some really good advice
what really touched me most is that someone cares
and someone can actually see how i'm feeling...
thanks siying...
now i'm in hte school comp lab,
listening to him play the guitar and sing awfully but sweetly
somehow, i'm convinced that today will be a better day than yesterday.
bye all!
'fallen_angel'
9:20 AM
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Finally, I'm done with the culinary proposal.
The scariest nightmare of this semester.
Kudos to those few who stayed up to help me complete the various small parts in the report.
you guys rock...and i wouldn't know what to do without you.
especially dudes and dudettes like Boston, Alvin, etc...
the others who didn't contribute, you know who you are and all i can say is that you're a bane to the society and hardworking people.
shame on you.
it's not called a team project for nothing.
don't bother asking for names cos i'm not naming names.
if you say that you're not contributing because of me,
double double shame on you.
you deserve a big fat zero for the project.
let's just see how things go on the actual day.
today, class starts only at 4pm.
but we're gonna go eat at RITS at 1pm.
So that still doesn't explain why I'm in school as early as 9.30am this morning.
The underlying reason is that I wanted to get started on the FM and MICE project.
Type out the FILA chart and all.
But, I have no motivation to get started now.
What's on my mind is the Japanese Language Test on tomorrow
And the Japanese Culture Test I've gotta complete by tomorrow.
Crap.
And mid-semester tests are next week!
Monday and Tuesday.
Double double crap.
Accounting and FBO.
Wadehell?!
Sigh...
This sucks.
But I still gotta make sure that I arrange meeting to complete FM FILA by this week or we're all dead ducks.
But I don't wanna be dead duck…
I wanna be MIGHTY DUCK!!!
Haha...
See? Too stress...crapping already...
Oh well.
Nothing seems to be going my way recently
Bad bad bad karma.
Sigh
Sher, thanks for being there. But please don't react to what we talked about yesterday...can? I love you!!!
Ha-ha
Now, I'm just looking forward to the ChinaBlack party next Friday.
Partying from 9pm to 6am in the morning!
Woo-hoo~
That’s not all!
I got my darling Edna and friends from SCGS (though I dunno who’s going)
I got dear Drey and other folks from HTM going
I got my mei mei WanTing going with her friends
Matthew and his friends going probably...
And I'll probably have friends from outside that's going too!
So, it'll be a primary, secondary, poly and external social circle gathering!
Yay!
It'll be the best night of my life
And I seriously hope so
The only thing to cheer my festive season up
My only chance of make the phrase ['Tis the season to be jolly] come true...
I'll be lonely deep inside...
but I hope these peeps can lift my spirits...
right.
Now, I'm seriously crapping.
Time to get down to work.
Ciao ciao!
'fallen_angel'
9:59 AM
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
I HATE MYSELF.
TO THE CORE.
NOW,
I CAN FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHY NO-ONE CAN BRING THEMSELVES TO LOVE ME ENOUGH OR LOVE ME AT ALL.
EVEN I CAN'T STAND MYSELF.
WHY SHOULD I MAKE OTHERS WITHSTAND MY PRESENCE?
EVERYTHING SUCKS.
LIFE.
LOVE.
SCHOOL.
WORK.
CRAP...EVERYHTING AH.
i know there's so much more in life to look forward to.
but sometimes i get so exhausted that i lose my way in the foggy mist
who's there to hold me up?
who's there to support me?
no-one.
not a soul.
save for the few wonderful friends i have, no-one else.
who that matters the most...is no-one now...
DECLARATION: I HATE MY LIFE.
'fallen_angel'
11:09 PM
why is it that nothing seems to raise my spirits any higher anymore?
why is it that i've been hovering in and out of sadness ever so often recently?
why is it that my tears don't seem to obey my feelings and commands anymore?
why is it that my heart feels torn apart...into many a million and more shards?
don't tell me to forget it
don't tell me to let it all go
i wanna try but my heart tells me 'no'
it's getting to be more than my heart can handle
more and i'll shatter
seeing me break, it's not a pretty sight.
stay away if you wanna remain unscathed
i don't wanna go on hurting much longer
i don't wanna act on impulse either
so if you'll tell me what to do,
i'll be ever so grateful
even if it never works out,
at least i know i love you.
it's painful and it's awful...
that feeling inside
like the heart's tightening,
squeezing the life outta me.
how long more i can last,
i don't know.
i really don't know.
i don't know if i ever will know.
~14 Dec '05: by Cleo~
'fallen_angel'
10:54 PM
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
it's just one thing that puzzles me.
what is it about me that people hate so much?
especially when it comes to project work or work in general
whenever i'm the one who takes the lead,
i don't get cooperation from almost everyone.
there's only such a small handful that appreciates.
don't ask who they are.
good or bad, you know who you are.
if there's anything i'm doing wrong, please tell me so i have the opportunity to change.
if there's nothing i'm doing wrong, it means u're just biased against me.
and if that's the case, please please keep your warped opinions to yourselves and focus on the job at hand, finish it and that's it.
that difficult?
u might think u're keeping it subtle
but let me tell you (or you all) that it's damn bloody obvious.
the next time you guys wanna talk behind my back, try harder.
and the next time you wanna practise your skills on ignoring me, try it when it's not so important, i.e. when we're not in the midst of a project discussion.
you guys really don't like me at the helm of the project, say so.
i'll step down.
seriously.
if u wanna maintain your silence, then eat up your discontentment and work with me.
you think i really fucking hell wanna be sitting there trying to get things done?
you think i'm not fucking sick and tired of enduring all that crapo for the past 5 weeks?
you think it fucking hell doesn't hurt?
i'm human too, whatever you might think.
no matter how hard i try
it doesn't seem to make any difference
i'm really close to giving up
but i know i can't
my name wouldn't be Cleo if i just gave up like that.
i'm really really grateful for the mid-semester test and break week coming up next week.
a timely break indeed.
if it wasn't for that, i dunno how long more i can hold on.
sadly, the one i need to be around me, won't be there.
"'tis the season to be jolly"?
i'd say it's more like " 'tis the season to be lonely"...
i can't cry, for i've ran out of tears
i can't remember the last time since yesterday that i cried 3 or more times within one day.
i'm thoroughly exhausted...
now, gotta go compile the disgusting culinary project report...edit all the stuff and figure out what else to do.
bye all...i'll be back again
'fallen_angel'
5:13 PM
Monday, December 12, 2005
hey everyone.
i'm back.
yes.
i know i said i'll stop blogging here
but upon request from many many people, i'm making a comeback!
don't expect much cos i've learnt my lesson from before.
it's gonna be a brand new start for me.
i guess it's not that bad a thing to start afresh
no more horrible tantrums from me
no more silly arguments by myself
no more unreasonable demands to make our lives miserable
friends are hard to come by
good friends are even harder to come by
in my heart, you're more than just a good friend
it's a pretty special place you hold in my heart
it's been an emotional day for me
and to everyone who's worried and concerned, i'm okay.
well, at least i'll be okay in time to come.
i've realised that life can be so beautiful
and i have to thank you for showing me that...
like you've said, it's not the end of the world
neither is it the end of everything.
i trust you and your feelings...
don't doubt mine as well.
there's so much more i wanna say but i believe actions really do speak louder than words
i've been regretting my past actions and i'm determined to cancel out those lousy habits
no promises and no guarantees...
i can only say i'll try.
i hope that for a start, we can recall all our promises from before
for one, never hide anything from each other
it's the least i can expect, right?
the short two days have shown me how wrong i was and how much you mean to me
to others, time is merely an excuse
to me, time is my only hope
i'm hanging on...barely...by a thin thread of hope
let's work together for what's best for us.
some people have asked me why i seem to have so little good friends
and i say i've never been bothered by it.
all i need are the wonderful individuals who never fail to make my day, comfort me when i'm down and share their happiness with me.
ladies & gentlemen, guys & girls, you know who you are
thanks for showing me that it's the quality and not the quantity that counts in friendship.
thanks for putting up with my moodswings and tantrums and sometimes undeliberate neglect.
know that i love every single one of you to the max, aite?
sorry for the emo post everyone.
from now on, i'll try to write about my day more often...
rather than my feelings.
a safer choice?
probably.
i'm tired out...exhausted...gonna go get some sleep.
~home is where your heart belongs. and being homeless is a painful feeling~
'fallen_angel'
9:15 PM
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
this is officially gonna be my last post here on this blog.
i'm gonna miss blogging,
but i'll not miss the consequences.
to me, blogging has lost it's original meaning and hence, i'm gonna revert back to the traditional diary...
it's personal and no-one gets to read it...saves everyone alot of trouble doesn't it?
about my previous post, please don't read too much into it.
it's merely my feelings at that time and i needed an outlet to vent my frustrations.
no biggie.
i promised that i won't delete the entire blog,
but there'll also not be anymore new entries from tomorrow onwards.
maybe i might set up a totally new blog sometime in the near future
but when that time comes, it'll be kept a secret from the whole world.
i am missing you like never before but i know i have to control my feelings now.
and the whole day today was a disaster for me.
i admit that i didn't sleep more than 5 winks last night
and i was in school with swollen red eyes.
for culinary proficiency test. i won't be surprised if i flunked it.
but i couldn't help it.
and then again, i guess it's for the better?
the conversation from last night is still so clear in my mind
and the more i think of it, the more i think what i said was true.
even u agreed with me.
but what are we supposed to do about all that?
i need to know...
whatever might happen, you know very well that i love you.
i always had.
though at times i wish i didn't fall as hard as i did.
i know i've done so many wrong things throughout the past few months
and no words can possibly express how horrible i'm feeling now.
so many of the things i did and said were a mistake.
reflecting upon it all, i realised i'm the culprit for almost everything.
i wanna save the situation and to do that, i'll have to change and improve my attitude i guess.
i'm sorry for it all
sigh
all i wanna say now is that you have been wonderful all around, despite everything.
the immense fun i had when with you will stay as perfect memories for a long time to come.
it's times like this that i wished i believed in something...
a religion maybe...
in the hope that it'll gimme some strength.
as a final note, everything i've ever posted here before is and was my truest feelings from the bottom of my heart.
i don't care who approves and who doesn't.
afterall, this is the final episode of it all.
i guess nothing lasts forever...when the curtains fall at the end of the show, the lights come on and people leave, leaving the theatre empty...save for the lonely souls and miserable ghosts...what's there to keep in your heart?~the love remains, till the stars stop shining and till winter decides to visit in summer~
'fallen_angel'
2:07 PM
Friday, December 02, 2005
some men can be so retarded. that is, if u can even call them men. guys, dudes, boys at the worst.
seriously
if u think u're not matured enough to handle it, don't get into it. it'll hurt every single party involved.
but obviously, if u think u can handle it, show that u can.
sometimes by thinking u can, insisting u can, not accepting other's ideas and not wanting to deviate from your obviously wrong standpoint, u screw up. real bad.
so here's a lesson for all would-be lovebirds -
love alone is not sufficient to sustain a relationship.
it might last...who knows?
but u can be damn sure that it won't be happy.
it's hurting now...and i don't know what to do about it.
somehow, i know it's not your fault cos that's just the way u are but i really can't help feeling the way i do.
i'm trying...
i'm really trying very very hard to change.
but it's so difficult when u're not making an effort to make things easier for me.
u know that demanding it as and whenever u want it doesn't make it so, don't u?
i'm happy when i'm with u...
so very extremely happy...
but only when u're in a good mood.
our relationship is so dictated by your mood swings and it's so so tiring.
This is from Luke Zachary, a dear friend from secondary school:
If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself.
There is nothing wrong with you.
Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.
If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love him/her, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return, do not take advantage, do not cause pain.
How you deal with love is how you deal with youself, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.
If you fall in love with another, and he/she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame on each other, understand that there is a reason and there is a meaning.
Be grateful that at least both of you have given each other happy memories which will stay in each others mind.
Remember that you don't choose love.
Love chooses you.
All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life.
Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you.
Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit.
Give it to the world around you in anyway you can.
Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need.
They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.
The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as need.
They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.
Remember this, and keep it to your heart.
Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going.
You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into saying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you.
But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do.
Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life
I love you... ~fallen angel, disillusioned soul~
'fallen_angel'
10:20 AM