Saturday, September 30, 2006
i wanna blog. but i'm so dead tired. and i so desperately want a life now. no ktv-ing, no drinking with cousin, no slacking at home, no spending time with boyfriend. argh. it's getting on my nerves. i can feel myself getting more and more frazzled by the day. it's affecting my mood. and even my colleagues can tell. that's when i'm smiling like my life depended on it to everyone at work. sigh. i need to get away. a hoilday. Mr. Pitman thanks me for introducing the best golf courses in Batam to him. he's going to 2 of them over the weekend and teased me about it - "wanna join me? then you can find out whether you make god recommendations!" i wanna go! but of course not with him. and of course i cant. i'm on SIP. it's like being in jail. sigh. plus Mr. Pitman's a regular Don Juan, bringing different girls back to is apartment every other day. haha. random. gtg. nights!
'fallen_angel'
12:46 AM
Thursday, September 28, 2006
F&BMA dinner and dance last night was a blast!
it's way better than SCC's.
haha.
serious.
no offence but it's true!
i swear...
Great planning, fantastic emcee, pretty good food, nice people, etc.
the F&BMA youth arm was also officially launched and it was well-received.
there will be a meeting next wednesday to finalise the positions of the main and sub committees.
apparently, i'm dead-set as the head of membership already.
and i guess it's fine by me...
it's where i have the most experience in...
hmm...
it was a great occasion for networking and having fun.
met the who's who of the local F&B industry, won a sausage-eating competition (it's true!!!), and won my first ever D&D lucky draw prize in my life.
i think this weekend have to go and buy 4D already.
haha...
today,
i found out that my manager and TT's a committee member of the ARDE Singapore.
and that's the people i was in charge of serving when they had a gathering at Pan Pacific's Summerhouse last year... i remember serving Mr Revi Nair.
haha...
but i cannot recall ever seeing my manager there.
oh well.
anyway,
he gave me a side-job to do.
to call every hotel in his list and verify the general manager's names... then compile and send out emails to them...
sounds damn simple right?
haha... he's gonna pay me $100.
wee~!
haha...
and he asked me whether wanna work part-time at the cafe at TT. he'll pay me $7 per hour.
wadehell!? that's way above the industry average for cafes.
haha...
but i told him i'll consider... cos they dont seem to take the F&B part of the business very seriously. but i'm the sort that take F&B damn bloody seriously if i have to work there.
so yeah... still considering.
plus i dunno if i wanna OT in TT longer than i already have to everyday.
despite the fact that i'll be paid. it's a totally different thing altogether.
is it?
hmm...
i'll keep thinking.
and i got my PMS password!!
though the system we use at TT is slightly different from the "idiot-proof" FIdelio software we learn in Lodging Systems and Operation.
Epitome is so much more of a hassle but interesting to learn about anyway.
though my password only allows access into the query database and i wont be allowed to use it to do posting and make changes, i believe it's still rather early... my chance will come.
i'll be patient... i have to be.
anyway
i'm so tired.
i slept barely 4 hours last night and had to go to work.
supposed to end at 3, we ended up leaving only at 4.30.
grrr....
some training thingy.
i was barely awake already... dozing off...
i think i'm gonna go sleep in awhile, as soon as i'm done with this post...
i know why i'm addicted to Nora Roberts already...
it's because of the way she describes and portrays her characters when they're so crazily and deeply in love that they know it's where their destiny lies the moment they lay eyes on each other.
i immerse myself in their worlds and find myself lost when i read "The End".
i'm not ashamed to say that.
though most will tell me it's fiction and i'm just dreaming... i will still say i believe it exists and it's waiting somewhere. maybe i've found it, and just havent realised it. and maybe i've lost it and it's gone forever.
i don't really know it myself...
last night, i woke up in the middle of the night and couldnt shake this thought off my mind: "do i really know myself? is this how i wanna be for the rest of my life? maybe i should drop everything i have now, travel and seek out the true Cleo.
it will be the unrealistic me. but then again, i dont think i am a realistic person through and through.
i'm still a dreamer and a seeker.
and i miss you. crazily. do you?
'fallen_angel'
7:40 PM
Saturday, September 23, 2006
today's mummy's birthday...
"Happy birthday, mum!"
i gave her the gift i got her this morning.
and dad got his birthday gift a little early too.
it was a set of identical rings.
simple, elegant and engraved with "Mummy" and "Daddy"
i hope this reminds them that they are not only husband and wife, they are also parents to the 4 of us.
i purchased the rings and did the engraving without knowing their ring sizes.
so up till this morning, i was still sweating about whether it will fit them.
and the great thing is that mum's one fit perfectly, and dad's was a little loose for him but it was still fine.
i'm so glad and relieved.
another reason i got them the rings is because i know that they sold of their wedding bands to pay off debts so they don't have anything that symbolises their union with one another.
they were happy with the gift they got...
and my worries that they wont like it were unfounded.
mummy loved it!
and they both wore them the whole day.
wee~!
haha...
i'm so proud of myself.
changing a topic...
i thought i would lose weight working at TT since staff meals are not provided and the walk from the MRT to work everyday is crazy.
but alas,
i'm putting on weight.
cos i'm snacking instead of eating proper meals.
cup noodles, oreos, McChicken burgers and crap like that.
every single day.
i'm not only growing fat,
i'm going to fall sick soon.
grrr....
every single colleague that works with me asks me the same question at least once:
"why did you choose TT?"
haha...
and all i say is: i already regret my choice. so yeah. too bad. i just have to make the most out of it. i wanted a change in environment, but now i plead temporary insanity for my choice at that time. sigh. oh well.
i have to stop grumbling...
night shift tmw... means i cant watch Singapore Idol finals.
Hady and Jonathan!!!
i love them both.
Jonathan's got this fantastically seductive sexy voice. even when he's talking. and his small beady eyes.... oh so sexy. haha... i like guys with small beady eyes. ever since Hidetoshi Nakata came into my life =)
Hady... he's the understated kinda guy. not showy, but so so charming. haha... can Mediacorp make an exception? let them BOTH win it!
hahaha... i must be dreaming.
i need kind creatures to record for me...
but then again, i got no video player. also cannot watch. bleah.
too bad then.
and i'm missing ANTM every week!
goodness...
and not to mention Project Runway's new season.
F***.
i hate working night shift.
now you know why i say i got no life?
Gavin, Shawn, Joce and gang.... i miss each and every one of you!
i need my dose of KTV soon if not i'm gonna go bonkers!
argh...
haha...
now's like cold turkey for me... and i know i'm not gonna survive if it goes on...
sigh.
as for my boyfriend,
like you said you always tell people...
"we're not fine. we're just having a truce."
so i guess now it depends on how long the truce will last this time round.
a long long time i hope...
love you darling...
i still hope it's the best thing that can happen to both of us.
and i miss you. so much.
'fallen_angel'
11:04 PM
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Finally, my first off-day.
I feel like I've waited my whole life for it.
And as much as I'm very lazy to be here typing,
I know I need to...
first of all,
miss me?
muahaha...
i know i miss everyone in my life.
i feel like a bloody no-lifer.
afternoon shift is stupid.
i wake up in time to go to work, end work and go back home to sleep.
the cycle repeats itself the next day.
over and over again.
i can't wait for morning shift.
though it means i have to wake up early,
i think i rather have most of the day to myself than to let the days roll by meaninglessly.
anyway,
work is.... indescribable.
first few days, it sucked like hell.
i hated the feeling of inadequacy in the face of the experienced 'seniors' there.
especially when i realised most of the job encompasses the need to know most of the tenants well enough to know their daily routine, their apartment number off-hand, their habits, their pet-peeves, their children and etc...
it was so intimidating.
so i dreaded going to work.
and becasue we were trainees there,
we were given rubbish jobs to do...
deliver mails to apartments, deliver faxes, send up parcels and packages, call for taxis, arrange for wake-up calls and newspaper delivery, count stamps, and crap like that.
i understand that it is part and parcel of the job...
but it's like.... crazy... we're in heels and constipating courtshoes. and we have to walk round and round the estate.
mind you, it's not like a hotel where it's high-rised but within a small area.
220 APARTMENTS. spread over 4 floors only.
imagine the area we need to cover.
grrr...
and no staff meals provided means dinner consists of usually oreo cookies and cup noodles.
yay. super 'healthy' eh?
oh well.
but as the week passed by,
i've picked up a hell lot.
and today, i can safely say that i am familiar with some of the guests we have in-house.
the nice ones, the handsome ones, the pretty ones, the nasty ones, the crazy ones, the ones with the really cute and adorable children.
and i've got the hang of the way things work around there.
i believe i'm progresing fast enough and i hope that manager will trust me with a password to the PMS soon...
then i can be of some help to my over-worked colleagues.
the atmosphere there is very friendly and comfortable...
and i guess it's good...
not much politics... i hope it remains that way.
but i hope i get to try out other aspects of the business there soon...
i dont wanna be stuck in guest services for the entire period.
hmmm...
well,
today's off-day was ok...
not entirely relaxing cos i went out to meet my boyfriend...
happy to see him after so many days...
we went shopping for his sandals and he ended up with crocs.
grrr... i still hate crocs.
sorry... biased...
then got birthday gifts for mum and dad.
mum's bday is this saturday and dad's will be next thursday....
i'll reveal the gifts on saturday...
but i'm so happy that i got what i got...
i'm so excited about giving them to mummy and daddy...
hope they wont find it too cheap...
*prays fervently*
while waiting for the gifts to be ready,
we went to have haagen-dazs....
finally satisfied my craving!
yum...
thanks dear...
for everything...
was supposed to go to dear's house to chill but i wasnt feeling very well...
giddy... so to prevent embarassing fainting spells that i'm prone to, i decided to head home...
anyway, my grandma was so happy to see me home for dinner...
then it occurred to me that this is the first time in more than 1 week that i'm having her cooking for dinner...
i'm glad i'm home...
sorry dear...
i know you were disappointed that i couldnt go to your place...
cant help it...
it was like home was calling out to me...
and i miss dinner with my family too...
hope you understand...
i'll cya another day ah...
i promise i'll make an effort...
i'm like so super shagged out every single day...
and for what i wonder?
$500 bucks?
that's pathetic...
i want january to come faster...
i wanna get outta there...
i have to keep considering my part-time job possibility...
sigh...
i already have solid plans for next year... once i graduate from TP.
i cant wait to put those plans into action...
i really cant wait...
i want february to come quickly...
i'm glad i always have solid plans for the next step to take in life.
it's a pleasure and a relief to have such plans.
do you?
till next time... take care dear friends...
'fallen_angel'
7:14 PM
Sunday, September 17, 2006
i miss my blog.
do you miss me?
bleah.
but i have absolutely no energy to blog.
so tired everyday from work.
shagged out.
please be patient and wait for my first off-day k?
it will be next wednesday.
then i will take my own sweet time to post a super long entry.
entailing every detail of my internship so far. (ok. maybe not every single detail. boring.)
i need to sleep.
i'm popping out in zits.
(erm. lousy english there but wadehell.)
tag me if you miss me!
p.s. i had a manicure done! wee~! first job i'm holding that allows manicures... and it's free. cos the nail parlor's co-owned by daddy. i think the bill will be sent to him lar. but wadehell. as long as i get to enjoy. and the chairs we sit in for the pedicures are like full body massage chairs. heavenly heavenly! haha...
good night dear all...
*muackz*
p.p.s. i miss my boyfriend. can hardly see or talk to him. grrr.
and we were supposed to celebrate our 1st year anniversary on Friday, 15/09.
we were both working, unfortunately.
only met up for supper for awhile...
sad...
nevertheless,
i love you!
*hugz*
happy birthday gavin! like i said, i'll never forget your birthday. hahahaha.... thanks to my boyfriend.
sometimes i really envy other people.
i see girls who have stable relationships, great academic results, pretty, good figure, tall, can do everythng that i've dreamt of doing since long long ago.
and i really get jealous.
or rather, i get inferiority complex.
i think i'm not as good as them...
i think i'm so pathetic.
i think i'm a loser.
i feel like burying my disgraceful face into the ground and never hope to see light again.
gawd... i hate this feelings...
jealousy is indeed a green-eyed monster that makes you blind towards your own goodness. agree?
i'm bullshitting lar.
forgive me.
i'm tired.
good night....
'fallen_angel'
1:12 AM
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Got back exam results this afternoon.
Pretty satisfied with my results...
wanted to announce it big here... but on second thoughts, maybe not.
dont want people to think i'm being arrogant and what not.
all i can say is i'm one big step closer to my dream of meeting NTU's GPA requirements.
my boyfriend says he doesn't wanna know my grades.
and i respect that.
so if you wanna know how i did,
ask me.
i'll tell you.
just dont turn back and tell me things like: "wah lao. k lor, you clever lor."
i hate that.
i worked hard for my grades.
i mugged my ass off.
i wrote 3 answer booklets worth of answers for my DPD paper. triple of what others did. and i got back what i deserved. that's all i can say.
i'm happy with my grades.
but it's not really a happy day.
work was a horror.
first day,
i dont wanna comment too much in case there are busybody people here who screw things up for me.
all i can say is that: first days are never fun.
it will get better.
i will do all i can to make it work for me.
i can picture alot of things to be learnt and picked up along the way.
i just have to learn how to stop whining.
and learn how to step out of my comfort zone.
and that comfort zone is F&B.
i'm not going back in it.
and i swear i'll succeed in guest services.
i will make it work.
the next 5 months will be a hard road to walk.
but it'll be a fruitful one i hope.
i'm so tired.
my feet are aching.
i've got blisters.
i'm sore from smiling and delivering mail.
i dont have enough sleep.
my head hurts.
and i'm in a bad mood.
argh.
only rozy saw my good mood today. and it lasted not more than 10 minutes.
sigh.
i'm working afternoon shift for the rest of this month.
2.15pm to 10.15pm.
it's the "no-life" shift.
i wake up to go to work, got to work, then go home and sleep.
same cycle the next day.
my next off day is next wednesday. one whole week later,
fuck.
Dear i love you.and i'll be here for you.i know you can do it =)i wanna be able to afford to live in a $22k per month serviced penthouse too.
'fallen_angel'
11:32 PM
Monday, September 11, 2006
Uneventful day.
Bored.
Spent 4.5 hours watching the Chinese MTV channel's telecast of a massive concert that was held in Taiwan over the weekend.
It was a great show... The who's who of the chinese music industry performed.
SHE, Jay Chou, A Mei, Wilbur Pan, Jolin Tsai, Fish Leong, Guang Liang, Tank, Gary, MayDay, etc etc etc.
The list goes on.
So... guess I had a good earful of all my favorite k-songs.
=D
Still trying to learn more of Jay's new album...
Hmm.
Tomorrow,
Movie and dinner double date again.
Wee~!
but the headache is what movie to watch?
There are no good shows this week.
Sadly, but true.
Raffles Hotel dinner again...
I'm enjoying life!
haha...
The last day of relaxation before internship begins...
hope we'll all have a blast of a time.
Boyfriend has work from 7am to 3pm...
lucky him... attached to Raffles the Plaza's executive floor.
it's like exclusive and so so difficult to be placed there...
hope he works hard and learns alot from his colleagues there.
jiayou!
I spent the last half an hour staring at my wardrobe,
thinking of what to wear tomorrow.
and i'm lost!
i have a nice dress that i haven't had a chance of wearing.
it's a Chanel LBD that Mum passed down to me...
cost her a 3-figure sum and i think it's a great buy...
it's not tight and figure-hugging, but it skims the body so nicely...
i wanna wear it, but i'm afraid it'll be too formal for the other couple.
hmmm...
i need a sponsor for a new wardrobe.
badly.
i gained some weight and rounded out over the past year.
hence, now half of my wardrobe doesnt fit me anymore.
i look frumpy in most of them.
wardrobe makeover!
i need it.
list of wants/needs:
1. new clothes, shoes, accessories (i.e. new wardrobe)2. tix to Lee Hom's concert on the 21st October. ($148/$168. argh!)3. holiday... ideal destinations: Australia, NewZealand, Switzerland, Japan, Taiwan, or anywhere at all! cruises are welcome too =)4. more books. Jodi Picoult, Nora Roberts, Qiong Yao, etc.5. iPod nano! or shuffle, if there is one with larger memory space.6. new bags. totes, handbags, clutches, duffels, etc.7. digital camera! desperately need it so that i can record down images of my life.8. *i cant think of anymore at this point*oh and most importantly... your love!i'm a girl who has a high need for love and affection. not really part of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. but yeah. you get the point.
i know i sound greedy lar...
but i'm really an easily satisfied girl.
i dont need to get everything i say i want.
even if i say i need it,
i can most probably leave without it.
i'm low-maintenance!
really!
*bats eyelids innocently*
muahaha....
trying to act cute.
"hey. i'm not ACTING cute. i AM cute."
ok this is becoming really gross.
gonna go sleep.
boyfriend says the earlier i sleep, the faster i'll be able to meet him tomorrow.
does it really work that way?
hmmm... i wonder.
anyway, who says i can't wait to see you? hmm? ;)
i love you!
'fallen_angel'
11:36 PM
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Time flies.
The week of rest before SIP begins is over.
OSIP people are flying off tomorrow morning at 8am.
Bon Voyage all!
Pamela,
Hilton Seoul should be great...
and I envy you so much...
Seoul in winter!
omg.
Learn some of your native language,
eat more Korean bbq,
take good care of yourself,
and enjoy your trip!
Alvyn, my jiemei!
Gloria International...
hmmm...
i dunno anything about that place but it's in China.
So unbelievable.
You are going to China!!!
Don't forget me over there...
see ya back here in January 2007.
Just please don't speak to me in Mandarin when you return.
haha...
Jonathan & Sylvie.
Song Be Golf Resort!
It was where I was supposed to go...
if only I didn't reject the offer.
oh well.
It'll be a blast for the both of you I hope?
many holidays spent in each other's company...
enjoy Vietnam!
Ok,
i can't really remember who else is leaving for where.
but in all,
just take care everyone...
overseas can be tiring and straining on your mental health.. so hang in there!
and it's gonna be winter in most places... must take extra care...
i so gonna miss everyone!!!
Gayna, Ailing and everyone else at Sunny Holidays...
Bangkok hotel inspection trip tmw!
Envious...
but 71 hotels to inspect in a mere 6 days.
goodness...
best of luck!
and take care too...
And not forgetting those who will be in Singapore still.
some started last week,
some tomorrow,
some on Wednesday.
Gavin, Shawn, Joce, etc.
so many people!
sorry i can't name all...
haha...
wont have much chance to meet up...
the confirm times are the days of classroom sessions in school
but only 3 days out of 5 mths.
haha...
take care ya all...
work hard!
ganbatte kudasai!
i'll see ya all back in school for the last module in January 07.
don't forget mE!
anyway, if you're reading this now,
it means you've found a way to read about my life constantly...
better than nothing!
haha...
finally,to my dear boyfriend.you're starting work tomorrow at 8 am.and you're still gaming!!!time to go sleep.ok, seriously.i'm gonna miss you.i know we're not far away from each other.But we'll definitely have very limited time to spend together.5 months...well, it's neither too long nor too short.and i guess you're right when you said that we'll probably be too engrossed in work and before we know it, 5 months have passed.and we also know that many things can happen and change in 5 months.i dont wanna sound pessimistic... just being realistic.i dont wanna make promises that i know has a chance of being broken.even if it means that the chance of it being broken is so very insignificant.honestly to say... i love you so much that i dont wanna harbour too much hopes in our relationship.take one step at a time...i wanna make it work.and i'll do all i can to make it work...over the next 5 months,we'll go about working hard for ourselves alright?and i love you.dont ever doubt that alright dear?maybe it might seem unbelievable at times, but believe me.though people like my mum thinks you're not suitable for me and hence disapproves of us,i'll still try my best...just remember that these 5 months will be important for your future and your career...take it really seriously and do your best...what's most important to a man should always be his career alright?*hugz*i miss you already.
last 2 days of rest...
i'm officially going into hibernation mode.
tomorrow morning,
i'm gonna go pay my respects to my aunt,
then come home and sleep the rest of the afternoon away.
followed by being babysitter for my dear brother...
and then followed by more sleep in the evening...
that's if boyfriend has no plans for us...
and tuesday,
"DO NOT DISTURB"
hibernation, meditation, stoning and the likes.
in preparation for hectic internship.
goodness.
i'm exaggerating...
alot.
but argh!
!@#$@$@^$@&$@$#
i hate this feeling.
gonna go nag my boyfriend to bed now...
good night...
oh yah!
i just bought Jay Chou's newly released album
"Still Fantasy"
and i love it!
track 1 and track 3 are the best so far.
by tomorrow, you'll see that i love all the 10 tracks.
haha...
those who already know me will know that i am uber familiar with every SINGLE one of Jay's songs.
From his 1st album onwards.
now, a new one to conquer!
wee~!
'fallen_angel'
11:52 PM
Saturday, September 09, 2006
I'm back from KTV.
This time, it's family day.
Went to 10 Dollar Club with Mum, Dad, Chloe, Chantal, Drago, Sabrina and Regine.
Big big group...
haha...
Very disppointed with the place actually...
We used to love it cos it costs only $10 nett for 5 hours of singing, free flow of drinks and one bowl of "sharks fin".
Today,
it was $10++ for 3 hours only.
Pathetic...
And I still rather sing with the gang... Gavin, Shawn, Joce and peeps.
Oh well.
Had dinner at this chinese restauarant at Chinatown before that.
Peking duck!
yum yum.
haha...
spent quite alot...
especially since we had high tea at Coffee Club as well...
had my favourite iced rambutan, lychee panna cotta and shared calamari rings with mum.
so full today...
I love family days...
Hmm...
let's see...
tomorrow, we're having a final sabai session as a farewell party to Jonathan... who's leaving for Vietnam Song Be Golf Resort for OSIP
Waraku dinner...
hmmm...
i'm broke though...
have to see if mummy will give me money...
i hate taking money from her but sigh... dont have a choice now...
i wanna earn my own keep!
so tempted to work part-time during SIP period...
not that impossible,
but i'll be super drained out most of the time.
and i have almost no time for my darling already as it is... if i work, even worse.
sigh...
but i really can't survive on the 500 bucks allowance only...
sigh sigh sigh...
if i wanna work, i got many openings available so i'm not worried about that...
how?
i need sugar daddy... or sugar mummy?hmmm...
=p
My sisters and cousin going for Shinhwa concert tomorrow...
standing area...
dammit.
i wanna go Lee Hom concert!!!!!!!
grrr...
sponsors please....
I realise that I miss dancing.
I miss the adrenaline rush I love to get whenever we rehearse or choreograph dance steps in school.
Be it Talentime dances, or cheerleading...
I loved cheerleading... I love the energetic dance moves, the wow-inducing gymnastics, the loud shouts and teamwork...
sigh.
i wanna find the feeling again...
i dunno if I ever will get the chance again.
Even salsa lessons we took last year were great.
i wanna dance!
i wanna get the jitterbug infection again...
And i miss sports.
sprinting, netball, basketball, badminton, TENNIS, etc.
so much so much...
guess these are the reasons why i've been telling my sisters that i miss secondary school days.
not really the school, but more like the lifestyle...
it was fun.
and never to return again.
sigh.
sad...
i had so much in my mind that i wanted to blog about during the ride home just now...
but now i'm like quite blank?
nothing else i can think of.
hmmm...
stay tuned for more then...
i love you dear...
'fallen_angel'
11:16 PM
Just got home from a nice nice dinner at Raffles Hotel's Bar and Billiard Room.
Dinner was fantastic with the company of Jeff and his lovely girlfriend, Joyce.
And of course not forgetting my dear boyfriend.
We spent 3 whole hours on dinner... 7pm all the way to 10pm.
when it got to 9.45, we all got a shock when the waiter came to tell us that they were gonna close the buffet in 10 mins time.
It felt like 8 plus only... amazing.
Time really flies when you're enjoying yourself... really.
Well, all I can say is that I'm really really full right now that I don't think I'll have the stomach for even the best food in the world at this point.
Joyce is a really lovely girl and fun to talk to...
I enjoyed myself....
Thanks dear... for making tonight's dinner possible. I know you worked hard for it... I really appreciate it... I love you...
Oh and i met a long-time-no-see friend of mine...
a friend i knew back in my secondary 2 days...
Luke from ACS(B)...
i can't even remember the last time i met him,
and to my greatest surprise,
he was working at the buffet counter at BBR just now...
my my my...
it was great seeing him...
i'm surprised we recognised each other..
haha...
Being back at Raffles Hotel,
brings back fond memories of the times I worked at Long Bar.
I really really miss working there.
Especially when the F&B Manager of Raffles Hotel, Mr Reto talked to me...
He is a great guy and what really touched me was that he remembers me... a mere part-timer... one of the many hundreds of part-timers that the hotel has.
He even asked me why I stopped working for Long Bar...
and according to him, I will be back there some day - "Once you have the Raffles injection in your blood, you'll never be able to run away."
haha...
that was quoted from him when I talked to him at dinner just now...
as usual, he was doing his rounds of all the F&B outlets in the hotel.
and he also said he will always welcome back good and capable staff... does that mean me? hmmm... haha... *my ego's growing...* =)
anyway...
i really miss the place.
the band, the bar, the colleagues, the friendly guests, the hundreds of cameras I get to handle every day at work, the tips and the feeling of appreciation i get when i work there.
everything.
but the only thing i won't miss would be some of the management there...
they can do better with better management for sure...
meaning the headwaitress, headwaiter, etc.
funny thing is that,
there are so many people asking me to go back to work at Long Bar...
saying they need staff like me desperately...
hmm...
but with internship coming up... unlikely la...
and i know my boyfriend doesn't like that idea...
don't wanna go against his wishes...
Just finished reading another Jodi Picoult novel...
This story is woven around the idea of euthanasia, which if you don't already know, means mercy killing.
The question I have immediately upon closing the book was: "If one day, the man I love so so dearly is inflicted with horrible multiple cancers that are eating away the inside of him bit by bit, and he asks me to kill him and end his pain, would I do it?" Hypothetical, yes.
But if faced with this in reality, would I?
I really don't know.
If he asks me to end his life, I would think he is very selfish. Because he would be leaving me behind alone.
But if I don't agree to it, wouldn't I be the selfish one? To want to keep him by my side even though he is suffering in constant pain? Even though I know he will not enjoy the quality of life he deserves even if he is kept alive by radiation treatments, chemotherapies and what not?
Who should have the right to be selfish?
Whether you are pro-life or pro-choice, it will still be a difficult decision.
Will you regret it after?
What will you do after?
Will I ever love someone so much that I will be willing to do anything he asks, even if it means killing him, or myself, or anyone else?
Is it logical to do something like that?Is there really love so great in this world?Personally,I've learnt first-hand how painful a cancer can be to the patients and their loved ones.A very very close aunt of mine passed away 5 years ago, after a long drawn-out 10-year battle with brain cancer. She doted on me like her own daughter because she herself had 4 sons and had always wished for a daughter.She made me her god-daughter and loved me greatly.When she was first diagnosed with a brain tumour,I was only a little girl.All I remember was accompanying her to check-ups after check-ups at Tan Tock Seng hospital.When she had her first surgery,I remember visiting her and thinking how queer she looked without hair, especially since the operation left a scar 20cm long across the top of her head... like a spiked hairband.I remember hating the hospital because TTSH was so dreary with its overhead ceiling fans droning on and on, the cement flooring that made me doubt the quality of local hospitals and stuff like that.I guess, the main reason why I hated the hospital was because everytime I saw my aunt, she was too weak to kiss me on my forehead and tell me how pretty I look, like she always used to do.The first operation was a success. She went into remission for about 3 years.We all thought it was gone for good cos she was back to the cheerful self she was, going around visiting people, buying food for me, shouting at her boys for being a nuisance, etc.Until she started having fainting spells all over again.This time, it was back with a tougher challenge...Another 2 operations and many many months of chemotherapy later, the doctor said she was safe for the time being...but it can come back anytime... and the next time, it will be a real battle to get rid of it.She put on so much weight cos of the medications' side effects, but she was hardly eating anything. She threw up almost every other thing that entered her body. She had permanently lost hair from all parts of her body too...One day, she was visiting us when I saw a thin layer of fine hair on her head. Like a newborn baby's. I was ecstatic. In my naive mind, I thought that the hair loss was cos she was sick and since the hair is growing again, it must mean she's gonna be fine.Sadly,in late 1999,the cancer came back.Fiercer than ever this time.The doctors tried operating, but it was everywhere and there was no way they could remove everything... so chemotherapy was the only way to keep things in control...5 days a week, she went for chemotherapy.7 days a week, she vomited and lied in bed cos she was never able to walk any more than 5 steps before fainting.The weight she put on from the medication before was gone and she started to grow frailer and frailer with each day.Until she could no longer walk.Until she was left with skin and bones.Until she had no more energy to speak to anyone.Until she was in so much pain, that morphine blurred her sense.Until she could no longer recognise me or her 4 sons.Until she faded away so much that she had to be confined to a cot 24 hours a day, fed only water.I can never forget the one day I visited her at home and held her hand.I thought she could no longer recognise me but she held my hand back and a tear slipped from her left eye...Within the next nano-second, the dam burst in me and i couldnt help sobbing.I swore to be strong before i went to see her... I didn't want her young 10-year-old son see me cry... but it was just so much to bear...i remember laying my forehead on the back of her hand, and letting the tears flow for 15 minutes...I had one thought: If this is the pain she has to go through, please just let her go. Let her go when she can still see and hear her sons. Let her go when morphine can still numb her pain. It hurts to let her go... but it hurts even more to see her in constant pain that never seems to fade away.Finally, in the afternoon of 9 January 2001, she left us all.I remember the date so clearly because it's my parent's wedding anniversary.I was on my way home from school, on bus 67.I remember passing through Geyland and Eunos, when my hp rang.My grandma called.Saying that Aunt just died.I first thought she was kidding, until I heard her choked voice over the phone.I hung up and reality set in.I was supposed to call Mum and Dad to tell them.But I was glued to nothing outside the window of the crowded bus.I called Mum, told her and said that I wanna go to her wake that evening.I ended the call even before Mum could say anything.And I started crying on the bus.Not loud sobs... but tears couldn't stop flowing.Luckily I was at the back of the bus.The wake passed in a blur... I remember crying only a little when I saw her hallowed face through the glass window in the casket.It wasn't until the cremation ceremony, that I bawled my eyes out. I called her Mummy, because she was my god-mother. And with my cousins, I couldn't stop crying out for her...I cried myself to sleep that whole week...It hit me the hardest when I saw the casket being sent into burning flames, and my four cousins huddled together crying. they were only 10, 11, 17 and 20. how young...till today, 5 years have passed.And i havent once gathered up enough courage to visit her...I cannot bear the image my memory will dig up.One moment I see her healthy, well and hugging me. The next I see her with no life or soul in her, trying her best to breathe and see who's around her.I cannot bear that...But next monday, I will be going to visit her... 1st time in 5 years.I'll be going with grandma and her eldest son... who is my da-ge that i have constantly been talking about... I hope I won't cry...And I hope what I remember will be her love, her care, her hugs and kisses and her vitality.I still love her as much as I did when I was a little girl.What morbid thought at 2.30am in the morning.
Sorry folks...
I couldn't stop thinking about it and the only way to relieve myself of this mental burden is to write about it.
I wish, with all my might, that everyone i love be safe and healthy for as long as i'm around.it's a selfish way of putting it... but i really don't wanna have to go through that sort of mental torture again...
'fallen_angel'
12:46 AM
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Had a nice time out with my dear boyfriend just now...
Met him at noon to catch The Devil Wears Prada.
And boy was the movie good.
I guess it was even more exciting for me cos I'm interested in fashion.
In fact, if I had the financial abilities, I know I'll be a fashion junkie.
Dump me the big names and I can go ga-ga and rattle on for eons.
Like I saw the amazing Chanel tweed overcoat,
Manolo Blahniks and Jimmy Choos (shoes, by the way),
Prada classic handbag,
etc etc etc.
My goodness...
I think I made my boyfriend go nuts,
what with all my screeching when I saw gorgeous clothes on screen that I know I'll never in my life get to wear.
Haha... sorry dear... you had to live with that during the movie.
but yes,
the movie was about integrity and being true to yourself.
the fashion was a by-product.
if you look beyond it's shiny coat of gamour and couture,
the show is quite thought-provoking.
makes me wonder what i'll do if i was in Andy Saks' D&Gs (Dolce and Gabbana. yes. that's how 'Gabbana' is spelt by the way).
Would I give up my dream job and put my career on the line, for my family and friends?
That's a question that I have answered in my previous post so let's just leave it as that.
though the thoughts of Paris, London, DKNY, Gucci and other gorgeous and way-too-expensive clothes and shoes really can be tempting at times.
oh well
then we went to collect our rings after the movie.
oh yes our rings!
haha
how could i have missed that.
i have never gotten rings from anyone who meant something before...
so last night,
i told Tian that i wanted a ring...
that we should get couple rings...
and i pestered.
haha...
thick-skinned i know
but a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do to get what she wants, right?
anyway,
finally chose a pair... simple and nice... not too expensive either...
and we got names engraved on them...
my name on his, and his name on mine.
hopefully, it will serve as a reminder of our love for each other while we're apart and busy with our internships.
now,
this ring i have is precious to me...
because the nature of my job allows for simple accesories,
it will be with me every waking hour of the day...
it is also in part to make up for the fact that we'll be missing our 1-year anniversary together.
which is next friday.
sigh...
anyway,
we headed to Taka cos i needed to get a pair of knee-length skirt for work.
HR said uniform is provided but I should get a pair just in case they dont have my size.
so spent a precious $49 at G2000.
then we had another hour to spare and headed to the coffee club opposite Cineleisure for "high-tea"
haha...
nice snacks and drinks...
and my darling was the happiest cos we got his favourite spot.
to people-watch.
where we can see everyone who walks past,
but not everyone sees or notices us.
haha...
and i was the one who inculcated him with that habit.
i remember a time last year when we just started dating... he scolded me for wanting to just chill at starbucks, people watch and not do anything.
haha...
that was a long time ago...
and aren't you glad you now have such a.... leisurely and relaxing habit?
haha...
ok i'm crapping.
after that,
we went to watch the long-awaited Break-up.
now i finally know why Shawn said i MUST bring Tian to watch the show...
haha...
seriously...
i felt i was connected to Brooke (Aniston) in some way or another.
i could feel everything that she was feeling...
though Vince Vaughn really exaggerated it all and my boyfriend's not exactly THAT bad a prick in the ass,
i really felt something.
and i kept nudging Tian:"eh, sounds like us huh?"
and after the show, i told him:"she said everything that i wanna say to you. did you hear all that?"
hahahaha...
sorry dear...
it's just amazing...
but anyway...
i hope you understood the final moral of the story...
what i saw was - if you don't appreciate and cherish what you have now, you'll never know when it will disappear and you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
but i guess some people can see it in another way... that the few years of separation between them did them good... and at the end of the day, they'll get back together and realise how stupid they were to let each other go in the first place.
had dinner at Thai Express at Paragon after the show
all i can say is that the place is severely short-staffed
and it made our dinner a great deal less enjoyable...
not the best ending to a great date...
but it was still nice...
one of the few times we end a date with a smile and a goodbye kiss...
i hope every date from now on will be as nice and sweet as today's...
i love you dear... alot more than you think...
'fallen_angel'
1:11 AM
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
I have no more time!!!As I will be starting my internship next wednesday,I will be officially giving up my life for the next 5 months.I'm so dreading it.Sigh.This week was supposed to be a "rest and catch up with friends" week.but so far, I have been busy with SA stuff almost 3 quarters of the time.Election, handing over, other external events coordination, etc.Hectic, to say the least.And I haven't even officially handed over my duties to my successor.I'm pretty stressed out really.And I'm missing all my friends already.Today,went back to TAS for a meeting with the new EXCO and the advisors.no comments.Then had dinner at Sakae with my boyfriend.(yes, he's fine. last night he called me while i was worrying my arse off to say he's fine)We were all pretty lethargic so finished dinner pretty quickly and headed home.Tomorrow,finally a date with him.Movies, dinner and shopping.yay!i can't remember the last time we watched a movie together.and i can't predict when we can watch a movie together again either.we both are working at different places.we both have only 1 offday per week which is not fixed.we both have to work rotating shifts, which again is not fixed either.and who knows? we might not even get to meet once a month maybe.ok that's exaggerating.but seriously.what if none of our off-days coincide?what if we have different working hours constantly?sigh.it's a horrible thought.
5 months of non-contact!!!
*brrr*Thursday,KTV with shawn and gavin one final time before SIP begins,and we each set off on our busy and irregular working life.looking forward to it greatly cos well, i miss them!and of cos i miss singing.=)Supposed to have another date with boyfriend on fridaybut mum just said she wanna book a bintan trip for the whole family this weekend...friday and saturdayjust one nightgrrr...one night is so not shiok lar...i rather not goso expensive somemore...some villa/bungalow thingy...sigh...i told her to book it next weekend so that chantal, chloe and drago can go with them ah...i'll be working already so i'll just give it a miss la.dont want the whole family to sacrifice holiday for me.then i can predict this weekend passing in a blink of an eye.monday, boyfriend will start work at RC hotels.wednesday, my turn.Anyone interested in MOS this thursday night? ladies night!ok.sudden craving and no link.but yeah.noted.now you see the reason why i am choosing a path that leads me slightly further away from the mainstream hospitality industry of F&B, hotels and travel agencies.i have finally realised that although i do have the immense passion for service,i realised that i can do what i wanna do in places other than hotels and restaurants.for one,family is so important to me and i dont wanna have to sacrifice family time for work.for two,i need challenge in my job. and i need to find it somewhere else.there is an element of service in every sector nowadays.and i will be sure to include my passion in whatever else i'm doing.be it journalism, PR or marketing.I believe very strongly in living life to its fullest.and my life will not revolve round my job... i will make it a personal goal so that it doesnt.my job will be a part of my life, only because it supports my life.and only with income from a job, will i be able to live life to its fullest,and give my family a good and comfy life.dear,i know that from next week onwards,we'll have very very little time for each other.it will be a tough test to our very fragile relationship.for sure.but i sincerely hope that we can pass the test with flying colours.all it takes a little more effort, understanding and tolerance from both of us towards each other.i've told you this before... but i'd like to say it again...although i have absolutely no idea what the future has in store for us,i'm still gonna try.honestly speaking, i am a girl with an extremely high need for assurance and security.i need to know the path i'm taking.i need to know what i'm walking towards.i don't wanna one day walk into a dead end and find myself with no time to track back and find a new way out.i have my future plans more or less in place... and all i have to do is work towards making the plans materialise for sure.but i really don't dare to put you in those plans...cos i dont wanna find myself with a gaping hole in my plans one of these days and having no way to fill it up...if that happens,i'll lose my way, i'll lose my direction.for sure.and i'll find myself re-planning my future. and i dont want to.i know life doesn't go according to plans... they never do.but i will still work towards making my life go according to my plans.i wanna take charge of my own life.i dont wanna leave it to fate to decreed how my life is gonna be like or how i'm gonna have to lead my life.hence, my darling,how am i supposed to fit you into those blueprints?everytime we talk about your future plans and our future together,you always say: "we'll see"but dear, i hate that very phrase.i dunno wanna have to wait and see how things goes.but i guess,we dont have much of an option now right?then i'll just have to wait and see...i just wish i dont have to wait too long...i trust that you love me...and i love you too...but as i've always said: love isn't everything in a relationship.a relationship cannot survive just on love itself.there is so much more than that...for me, i need:stabilitysecuritycomfortcaretrustand so much more...sigh...this next 5 months will only be a small small test to our fragile relationship...tough, yes.but the toughest test is yet to come...it will come from next year onwards.all i wish is that we won't wind up wasting our time...as a guy, you might have all the time in the world to waste cos even if you wait till you're 30 to get hitched, it's no big deal. in fact, it would be better cos you'd have a career by then. and without a career, you dont even have to dream about getting married.as a girl, i dont have much time. from next year onwards, i have about 5 to 6 years to fulfill all my dreams - degree, SIA and family. and honestly to say, i'm more than willing to give up flying for my family... without regrets. so if my chance to true happiness comes along before i get to fly, and i have to make a choice, my choice is very clear.i wanna marry young. i wanna have my kids young.i wanna have a happy and warm family to go home to every single evening...i was reading home and decor magazine, as well as the latest ikea catalogand i found myself picturing how my future home will look like...how i will decorate and furnish my kids' bedroom... how my boys will like theirs, how my girls will like theirs...how i'll make the living room so cosy that i know i'm home where i belong, everytime i step into the house...how i'll make the kitchen a haven for family gatherings, morning breakfasts, and late night supper...i found myself imagining how it'll be like to have little children running around me, how it'll be like to have a doting husband for me to fuss over, how it'll be like to have a family of my own.i want it all to come true.and honestly, i dont wanna wait too long for it...i'm already craving it...sigh.i know i'm drifting way off course.and some might think that i'm thinking too much.but i'm a girl.i'm entitled to my dreams...and when you really think about it,it's about time i did something to make those dreams come true.i'm really not getting much younger.really.
i came into this page, hoping to write about some memories that have been replaying themselves in my mind the whole night.
but i have gone off the tangent and wrote about some totally different stuff.
one day,
i'll be back with those memories...
rest assured.
'fallen_angel'
11:34 PM
Monday, September 04, 2006
i'm having horrible cramps,
my head hurts,
and i'm worried sick.
my boyfriend hasn't called or smsed me since this afternoon...
it's almost midnight now...
sigh
supposed to be out with his friends but his handphone is switched off...
i can't reach him!
and i'm missing him.
but now,
i'm more worried than anything...
i have a very bad habit of letting my imaginations run wild and i worry myself out.
dear, call me soon k?
dont let me worry...
i can't sleep and i can't do anything else with my head splitting and heart worrying.
can't wait to hear your voice now...
i love you...
'fallen_angel'
11:31 PM
I haven't updated for many days.
So here's it.
Friday -
Went for 'beach party' at TAS,
organised by HTMIG.
well,
no comments there.
didnt have a good time
cos i spent a big part of it crying behind the 'scenes'
dont ask me why.
i hate explaining.
But all's fine now.
Saturday to Sunday -
SA gathering at Siloso beach Resort.
Had a great time with the members...
But didn't really enjoy cos of the environment.
no comments really.
(can't comment too much actually; our blogs are apparently monitored by people with nothing better to do in school)
Today,
feeling dizzy and uncomfortable
so i'm in hibernating mode at home.
tired...
i cant believe i have to start working next week.
sigh.
i'm so so dreading it.
i feel like i'm supposed to be enjoying this last few days of freedom.
but i can't seem to do it.
i open my svc email and i get flooded with emails.
sigh
SO MUCH TO DO!!!
and no-one's making my job any easier.
actually,
this doesnt seem to be my job,.
i seem to be doing work for everyone else.
why?
argh.
shit.
ok i'm grumbling.
but ultimately i'm blogging only because i've done what i'm supposed to do for now.
still waiting for people to reply my emails, sms and return my calls.
sigh
i need hp bill reimbursement boss!
ok kidding =)
like you say,we're calling a truce for now.i hope the truce will last longer than usual.i love you
'fallen_angel'
4:07 PM
