Sunday, October 30, 2005
i'm supposed to feel better...
but why is it all not going the way it was supposed to?
i've got no idea what's lying in store for us.
i've got no idea what the hell's gonna happen.
am i too idealistic?
am i too much of an analyst?
am i asking too much?
am i expecting too much?
i always thought all i wanted was so simple, so easily attainable.
now it seems, i'm so wrong.
i've never been further away from what is.
is it just me?
is it just me being ridiculous?
is it me who's making the wrong choices and taking the wrong steps over and over again?
what should i do now?
maybe you're right.
i never seem to be sure of what i want and i jump from one to another like flipping my palm.
my past plagues me like a nasty virus but maybe you're right.
it would never be there if i didn't allow it.
everything's my fault.
ever since...whenever.
but is it still my fault?
still my fault that i've chosen to change the life i've been leading?
still my fault that i no longer wanna experience all that i have before?
life's a bitch...'cos she screws us all inside out.
i know it can get annoying at times when i'm not such fun...
when i seem matured.
but however i try, it just doesn't get away from me, the fact that that's just who i am.
the way i grew up during my maturing years, the way i have to live now?
those are the circumstances that make me who i am.
i don't wanna expect you to understand that...but...sigh.
this sucks
all of it.
i'm gonna spend some time thinking things through and reflecting tonight.
i'll be at the beach...my fav spot.
watching the moon rise from my right, the tide rise at my feet and finally give way to the sun on my left.
'fallen_angel'
1:49 PM