Saturday, December 17, 2005
come to think of it, we would have passed the 3-month mark last thursday on the 15th... if we were still an item... funny how things can change within such a short period of time... it's a sad state of affairs... i still remember the 15th of September... the night of Quidam... a happy night...a night i hope i can relive soon... if anything and in case i never get a chance to tell you this, i'd like to thank you for the happy memories you gave me...i'll treasure them for a long time to come... Thank you very much...really... sometimes, i just wished i was born with a little less passion, a little less love for people and a little more love for myself... would i be happier? i guess i'll never know i'm not happy now and i dunno when i'll be...probably when i meet someone who loves me unconditionally and totally... someone who doesn't need to consider whether the love exists... someone who's sure of his love for me, as much as i'm sure of my love for him... one day...one day...my chance will come... for now, i'll try to be that person for him... if that's what makes him happy... cos whatever the case, i know i'm still in love... i thought of so many stuff last night.
like i asked myself: "can i go on with life normally and happily without being with the love of my life?"
and i realised that yes, i can go on with life normally.
but no, i cannot be happy.
i can never be happy without love as a priority in my life.
then i asked myself: "can i picture myself with him for the rest of my life?"
and i thought yes, i can.
but not with the present differences and misunderstandings between us.
then i realised that no matter how disheartening and hurting it is, it can't be denied that it's for the better good.
"we didn't break up for no reason"
yes. i agree.
but i'm still hurt, sorry.
i don't know how long it'll take...
2 weeks, 3 months, 1 year or 5 years?
i'll try for as long as it takes...or at least till i no longer see hope in trying.
my plans for the future does affect you and i can see that.
but i hope you realise that your plans for OUR future will directly affect my plans, for as long as i see you as a part of my plans.
like if there's really a future, i'll think twice about being an air stewardess.
i'll think twice about flying to Switzerland to study, work and settle down even.
i'll think twice about where i wanna work even!
doesn't mean i won't do it...just that i'll consider more carefully.
sometimes, i admire people who see love and relationships as a burden in life.
they can fly to wherever they wanna go to
go out with whoever they wanna spend time with
do whatever suits their ideals and lifestyle dreams
and be so carefree and happy at the same time.
suddenly, it feels as though i've come a long long way from my days at SCGS.
i mean, for my O'levels, i got 7 points... and that's damn pretty good.
today at TP? i'm scraping Bs and Cs.
what the hell's going wrong?
projects are a major factor cos it's not just my efforts and my work that counts.
that alone drags my grades down a million times.
next, distractions.
somehow, secondary school time gave me so much more distractions but it never seemed to affect me as much as now.
sigh.
i know that i didn't make a wrong choice.
but i need to buck up to make sure i prove it to everyone around me.
i've got management accounting and F&B operations tests on monday and tuesday but i can't seem to get down to studying.
my mind's so so occupied by lots of other stuff.
i know da jie da's right...
that studies should be priorities right now but it seems so impossible to me now...
sorry for the incoherent blog entry today...
but that's exactly how my mind is like now...incoherent...
p.s. which colour nicer???
blue or
purple??? (sorry...just curious :P)
'fallen_angel'
7:11 PM
