Wednesday, January 25, 2006
yay!
today signalled the end of Facilities Mgmt project...
the torture every HTM-ians have been suffocating under for the past few mths.
woo-hoo!
but it was after a gruelling 3 hours of presentations from 6 different groups.
and with a stroke of the suay-est luck ever, my group was to present last.
after 3 hours of sitting through 5 other groups of presentation, i lost all my mood for presenting my work.
sigh
think i screwed it all up for my group.
sorry guys...
sigh
the past 2 nights were spent at Gavin's house...chiong-ing project...
not chalet-ing
bleah...
3 days 2 nights add together, i had less than 8 hours of sleep
and i'm feeling so shagged
gonna KO once i finish this entry
and while the 4 of us were rushing our report and presentation,guess what our 5th member was doing?watching Backstreet Boy's concert, followed by sleep the night away, waiting for the finished productworse thing was that Monday afternoon, she told other people that our group's projects all done and settled...including FBO which is due on Fri.the irony in this is that she hasnt even done her part for that FBO project.how can she possibly say that we're done?!?!we're barely started lar.shittified.sigh...
and i really love angela now...she's so super hardworking i think she slept the least among us...
poor gurl...surely konked out now...
sigh
and i'm still sorry i cant go Gavin's place to overnight chiong FBO project on thursday night.
wanted to...
but daddy had to come and make a fucking big fuss outta things....
he thinks i'm fooling around outside when i dont come home.
he just doesnt trust that we're just rushing school projects.
sucks
and if he was just aiming me, i'm cool with that.
i've handled enough guys to know that i can scream at him and mae him feel guilty and burst his pathetically huge ego within minutes.
but i held back for the sake of my mum
she had to bear the brunt of the crap...
with daddy acusing her of not controlling me and pampering me too much
ha-ha
what a joke.
if i was pampered, would i need to work so hard all these years to help make ends meet?
bullshit
i just feel like telling him that he's putting all his efforts into making me and mummy lose hope in him.
but i know i cant do that cos after all, he's still my dad.
maybe i should just make it clear to him that i'm not some property of his and he cant control me like that
i'll just rebel again
and this time, he cant threaten to send me to a girls' home, simply because i'm over-aged.
let's see how he can threaten me again.
but knowing him, he'll just make use of my weakness -
my love for my mummy
he knows i love my mum and among all her kids, she loves me the most.
so, as usual, he'll take his anger out on my mum and make me feel guilty
what a bastard
he should start thinking of why i turned out the way i turned out...
i learnt drinking, smoking, clubbing, pubbing and staying out late all from him.
mummy barely drinks, she's home everynight and cant be bothered to go anywhere to chill.
so my dearest daddy, leave mummy alone especially when it's regarding us.she's innocent and she's probably the most wonderful thing to have happened to youwithout her, would you even be surviving today still?without her, would you have a home and a family to return to everynight?without her, you think your mother will have money to spend since she's already so old now?withour her, you'll be nothing.u can show your gratitude by showing her a little bit more affection and put in a little more effort.but you blame her for every little thing that goes wrongyou dont deserve hermummy's still really young and attractive.if it wasnt for the fact that she indeeds love you, she would have walked out on you years ago.wake up and face that fact.stop philandering outside all the timeu think she doesnt know?she's just closing one eye for the sake of usand even i know. think she wouldnt?dream oni hate the fact that everyone of my sisters and i have to walk on eggshells everydaywatching out for your moodswingstriggered by the lack of business in your crap trading businesswe love you to the max when you're making a little moneybut we just want you as far away from us as possible when business is badcos u act as though the whole world owes it to youwhich is patheticsighi'm too tired to scream back at you tonight so i took it all in stridebut when i flare up, dare me to walk out if i'm not happydare me again like you did...and i'll prove to you that i can walk out.i'm not even surviving on youyou're not even needed in my life.not financially, not emotionally, not physicallyso try me...i swore to myself that i'll never marry anyone like you in my future
cos it's just too sad
and i dont think i wanna live in a shadow of you for the rest of my life
i can now only hope and pray for the best
night night
baby, i love you...more than any words can describemore than anything else in the world right nowwherever you gowhatever you doi'll be right here waiting for you...
'fallen_angel'
10:49 PM