Tuesday, February 07, 2006
like i said last night, i feel like i have a lot to say
but now, all i have is a mental block.
despite that i still have the urge to write.
write what? i don't know...honestly.
someone told me life is depressing
others tell me life is beautiful.
what truly is life?
i think i have said this before but i shall repeat myself -
life is nothing more than a journey towards an end known as 'Death' and what matters most, is how you walk that road.
what i'm trying to say is that i believe the above theory on life.
and on this road of life, i wanna have the people i love right next to me...
my baby, my mummy and my siblings...
friends cannot and will never be forgotten...
guys and gals, you know who you are...
career, wealth and all material items are not necessities;
merely a bonus to make the journey more comfortable and maybe less bumpy...
about a year of serious depression gave me a clearer insight to life...
it's nothing to be ashamed of.
in fact, i'm proud that i've come out of it successfully and now know the secrets to being a happier person.
i used to believe that life was nothing was controlled by a particular omni-potent bitch who'd screw the rest of your life up once you make a mistake.
i could never trust anyone... for everytime i open up my heart, someone betrays the trust and breaks my heart.
i never had faith and confidence in myself... for i believed that i'm not the perfect person i wanna be... fear was that i'd disappoint all the people i love around me.
but you know what?
it's all over now.
all of us make mistakes... and you've gotta start to learn how to forgive yourself. but do not forgive and forget... bear it in mind so that the same mistake would never be repeated. blaming yourself will only make you a pain in the ass to the people around you. plus, it's easier for people to forgive and perhaps forget, if you can forgive yourself and not remind everyone of what you did time and again. the rest of your life doesnt have to be affected by the mistake you made. i know there are times when repercussions will be felt... but this is what i can say... whine, cry, groan and complain all you can when the mistake is made. but as soon as possible, pick yourself up along with the pieces you dropped and move on with life. time will continue to tick its meter and will not wait for you to finish whining.trust is a delicate thing. so difficult to build up and nurture. but all it takes is one small blow to be shattered. and once shattered, the cracks will forever stay...never to be healed totally. but then again, don't ever let the cracks made from another person affect the trust you share with someone else. once you bring your insecurities from a previous relationship to a new relationship, it already starts the downfall of it. without a blank sheet to start with, this new relationship can never grow, develop and prove itself. it's unfair. to you, to him/her and to the relationship. it hurts to be hurt time and again... but it'll hurt even more for the rest of your life if you destroy the possibly-happy relationship you're trying to nurture.today, i know who i am. i know what i want from my life and i know what i'm capable of achieving. everyone should. and that gives me the self-confidence i used to lack..and the faith in myself...the faith that i am the best i can be. no one can be perfect to everyone. i just hope to be perfect most importantly to the people i love...him and my family... and also to myself. i know i'm not perfect. but in my own eyes, the girl i see on the other side of the mirror everyday is exactly the one i wanna see for the rest of my life. this is who i wanna be...on the inside. no matter how my appearance will change i will still love myself...just for the sake of it.i dunno if anything i'm saying today makes any sense at all...
but doesnt matter...
why?
cos it's MY blog...my own space.
read it and if u understand, good for you.if you don't? aww...too bad.
baby, i love you...
'fallen_angel'
11:11 PM
