Monday, June 12, 2006
Thank you
and that's for all those out there who remembered my birthday
and bothered to say happy birthday at all
Bel, Rozy, Shawn, Christabel... thanks people =)
and also to people like Luke, Zhi Yang and Justin, who are a part of my past... though i never expected you to remember, you did. so thanks nevertheless...
and of course not forgetting the one person who made me smile at 12 midnight, in spite of the crazy way i was feeling yesterdayif it wasn't for you, i know i would have welcomed my 19th birthday in bed, with tears streaming down my face.so thank you for making me smileand forget my troubles for just those few hoursand Tian, thank you toofirstly, thank you for saying happy birthday despite knowing for sure that it's not a happy birthday for me.secondly, thank you for explicitly saying that i caused you suffering and pain...it made it all so clear to mei guess despite the fact that i told you i'm gonna let go, and i told you to let go and not have hopes, you didn't really listenonly when i hardened my tone of voice and finalised it, did it filter into that mind of yours.so thank youfor everythingmemories, both good and badlessons, in every sense of the wordjust like alot of things in life, you hate for it to end, but it's still inevitable neverthelesslike people always say, the old has to make way for new and better things to come your waynow, you can put your mind at ease and take up your parents' offer to send you overseas to further your studiesthere's no longer me around to burden youwe both have different things to work towards nowyou've got your bright future to work towardsi've got to work towards keeping my faltering family togetherand if i fail at that, i've got to work towards helping my mum bring my siblings up because she won't be able to do it alone.our lives are so very differentthere's so much that's not meant to behere's something i read somewhere: If you love him, let him go.If he comes back, he's yours.If he doesn't, he never really was was in the first place.so all the best to you in all your future endeavours and undertakingsthere'll always be a part of my heart that's occupied by you... or rather memories of you... goodbye dear...i believe that there's something one can learn from every relationshipi've learnt something from you... i hope you have from me too...take it with you and keep it somewhere safe in your heartfor it shouldnt be something you can forget so simplywhat's a birthday for anyway?
a celebration of life?
maybe
but for this year's birthday,
it shall be spent in solitude
doing my projects
and wishing for the best
a few days ago i remember saying that what i want for my birthday is a holiday
now, thinking about it,
here are my birthday wishes:that nothing happens to my familythat daddy really will learn and stop behaving like a 20 year oldthat the people around me are all safe and soundthat the people who love me will find their happiness soonthat i find my way home eventually...it's a frightening thought
the thought that i might finally meet with something and never be able to recover from it
the thought that the worse is not here yet
the thought that one day, everything will spin out of my own control and i'll finally break down into a million pieces...
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All By Myself (Jamie O'Neal)When I was youngI never needed anyoneAnd making love was just for funThose days are goneLivin' aloneI think of all the friends I've knownbut when I dial the telephoneNobody's homeAll by myselfDon't wanna be all by myself anymoreHard to be sureSometimes I feel so insecureAnd love so distant and obscureRemains the cure All by myselfDon't wanna be all by myself anymoreAll by myselfI don't wanna live all by myself anymoreWhen I was youngI never needed anyoneAnd makin' love was just for funThose days are goneAll by myselfDon't wanna be all by myself anymoreAll by myselfDon't wanna live...Don't wanna live by myself, by myself anymore...--------------------------------------------
ForgiveForgive the sun who didn't shineThe sky had asked her in to dineForgive the stars who heard your wishThe moon had prepared their favourite dishForgive the rain for its attackThe clouds have tears they can't hold backDon't hate the birds who are freeDon't envy the things they seeDon't block the wind, but hear its cryOr else the wind may pass you byForgive the earth that never turnsDon't hate the sun, 'cos too much burnsForgive the storm for it means no harmCould not resist to show its charmLife intends to not cause painThe flowers bloom from all the rainThe storm will come and it will passThe sun that shines, it grows the grassThe wind it cannot help but cryThe stars at night light up the skyForgive the world in which we liveWe'll all find peace if we forgive--------------------------------------------
'fallen_angel'
3:34 PM