Friday, June 30, 2006
time really flies...
in less than 2 and a half more months,
i'll be starting my internship at Treetops Executive Residences
it's a great position, a great company and the best thing is one of my greatest girl-friends will be there with me... Rozy!
=D
only difficulty i'll definitely face is the mere $500 allowance each month
it's gonna be tough
but i'll find a way through it
i know i can
and in a lil' more than half a year,
i'll be graduating from TP
with my precious diploma...
and there goes my life as a full-time student
it's like a dilemma, really.
i'm looking forward to graduating so that i can start working and start contributing significantly to my family
i'm looking forward to life outside of school
but at the same time,
it's scary...
i have no clear idea of what lies in store for me ahead
really
though i have dreams and goals,
i think i still lack that crucial determination to work towards it
for one, SIA will be holding interviews for cabin crew recruitment this weekend
at Raffles The Plaza
i'm itching to go for it
but then again i'm afraid
of what? i dont think i'm really sure of it either
i know i have what it takes and most importantly i have the passion
but what if?
what if i dont make it?
what if i make it but they are not willing to wait half a year for me to graduate before i can start?
what if my dad pulls that same trick and stops me from going for it?
all the what ifs...
but then again, i tell myself that i should just take it as an experience...
i can always try again after graduation if fate so decreeds
right?
but what about my hopes to go to Australia to further my studies?
i know it's not really possible because my grades are not fantastic enough for me to get scholarships or bursaries, and neither am i financially able to see myself through college
but it's still a hope
do i want to let go of it?
for one, mummy is not very supportive
because she knows that she cannot afford to send me there
and she doesnt want to see me work my way through college if i really go over
so how?
guess the answer's quite clear huh?
the logical and most realistic step to take is follow my dreams... join SIA... save up enough and complete my degree.
so that brings me back to that same question - should i or should i not go this weekend?
sigh
confused
some people tell me not to think about it now... there's still time.
but seriously? there's not much time...
the 17 weeks at internship will fly by so quickly
and before you even know it, it'll be 'bye-bye TP'.
and i'm not a person who can live my life not knowing what i'm working for
in every part of my life
it's just not me
oh well... i have a whole day tomorrow to think about it...
this afternoon,
i had a nice time talking to a good friend...
and i realised that it's really true when people say that talking about your troubles puts them in perspective and makes it clearer for you to see the issues that need to be tackled
having someone to talk to about what's on your mind is the best way to lessen your own load
i hope that i was of some help to you...
at least i hope i managed to relieve you of some of your confusion
i do know that i might not be able to give really good advice
but i also know that i can be a good listening ear
well
all i can say now is
what's done is already done
you might not like how it has turned out but there's no one to blame
not even yourself
there are so many things that are unexplainable... especially when it comes to feelings
i know it's not gonna be easy
but you've gotta try to take things slowly and see how it goes
i think we're both in a similar situation
and i know how you feel
but i'm also lost...
irony right?
but... what to do...
anyway, it's gonna be your birthday soon and we'll be celebrating it for you so cheer up!
all's not lost yet
=)
it's gonna be a hectic month or two ahead
what with project submissions, portfolio submissions, presentations, tests and the final exams coming up...
i probably won't be blogging so often
but i'll try to keep you guys updated about my life...
nights like tonight...
especially when loneliness strikes
and there's no one you can talk to
despite having more than 200 contact numbers in my handphone phonebook
and for me
the best way to chase away the blues is to write
write about anything that's on my mind
that's why sometimes you see self-composed poetry, lyrics, emo pieces, crazy rantings and even boring, pointless entries
and it's this sort of nights that make me reflect on what i've done with my life so far...
19 years
so much has come and gone
sometimes i think of secondary school life in SCGS
and am reminded of all the triumphs i achieved in both my studies and sports
netball, basketball, tennis, badminton, gymnastics, cheerleading, softball, track and field, bowling and swimming, are just some of the sports i took part in and won medals and trophies for.
then there is the countless numbers of talenttime competitions that involved singing, dancing and acting... we mostly won because i had a great class with amazing talents to work with...
leadership roles such as peer support leader, literature peer mentor, etc were bestowed upon me and i relished them with great pride
memories of how i got a rude awakening when i scored on 28/100 for my sec3 mid-year a.math exams and ended up working so hard that i scored a 98% for my final exams
and i remember how i felt like an outcast in school early in sec1 because i was the only one from my primary school to go there and i knew no one... plus i couldnt fit into the majority of the girls because many are rich daddy's little girls who were pampered so badly i couldnt relate to them
it was made worse by myself because i was in a way so painfully shy that i didnt dare to approach them to make friends
things slowly changed... especially after i met people like Edna
she helped me through all the times when the other girls who didnt like me started spreading hurtful rumours about me, and through all those times when i had no faith in myself at all...
i hated my life in SCGS, but i guess i learnt alot from the girls there as well...
and undeniably, i had an enriching experience.
no where else would i have been able to participate in those 10 different forms of sports repeatedly over 4 years.
and not to mention poly life in TP
hectic
and the time just passed so suddenly
it seems like just yesterday when a whole group of us used to hang out together, chilling and bitching...
started with Cynthia, Jay, Nat and Chris
then joined Rozy
we were a rather crazy bunch of people at that time and i really enjoyed those times spent together
and now everyone's split... the only one left as a true friend to me is Rozy... whom i'm extremely grateful for and satisfied with ;)
and over the semesters, i've found other great friends as well...
you all know who you are lar right?!
yes darlingS... you...
and yes my nu-er... you...
and yes to all the other guys and gals who made my poly life as fulfilling as it should be...
this last lap... will be tough cos i know i'm distracted and not focused
but just like in a 4x100m relay, the anchor has the toughest job, but the most satisfying one too.
all the efforts of the previous 3 runners will ultimately boil down to this final anchor lap runner
make or break, it's all up to man and fate.
i think i'm beginning to ramble aimlessly... so guess i shall stop here.
it's 2.13 am
and Mitch is still in the recording studio...
tsk tsk tsk
get some rest and please try to take care?
seems to me you're working far too hard...
anyway
now, i shall try to get some sleep
so that i can do more work tomorrow
good night all!
'fallen_angel'
1:08 AM
