Monday, August 21, 2006
I haven't been so troubled for a long long time.
And it's about something I thought I was sure about since a long time ago.
My future after Poly.
Sigh.
I always thought that I'll definitely try joining SIA as a flight stewardess after I graduate,
earn enough and then see myself through my university education.
But now, as I grow older,
I'm beginning to doubt my abilities to settle down into piles of books after having enjoyed the high life of flying all over the world for the past 3-5 years.
I mean, like I mentioned in my previous entry, I know myself to not be the kind that can keep studying while working or after working, for that matter.
Ok, for those who are lost in my words of confusion, here's the lowdown on the whole situation i'm facing -
Firstly, from a personal standpoint.
I have had the dream of flying as an air stewardess since I was a little girl. It can be with any reputable airline, but the dreams grew with images of myself in a kebaya.
As I grew older through my teenage years, I became sure of the fact that I wanted a career where I can interact with people and not be cooped up in an office for the rest of my working life. Hence, I chose Hospitality and Tourism Management.
As I near graduation from my diploma course, I'm now once again at the crossroads.
Here's why: I have discovered that I want to pursue a career in Communications and to be able to succeed in that, I will need a degree at the very least.
I have a passion for languages and writing since young. So from there, journalism and publishing is a logical choice.
Also, I have a love for meeting people and being involved in events and working hands-on. So PR, marketing, events management would be a great option too.
And for all of the above, I have a single choice in Communications Studies at NTU.
Like I said yesterday, NTU is the only financially feasible option and a good one too...
But here's the headache:
I'm 19 this year.
I'll be 20 next year when I graduate, and that will also be my age when I start my degree studies (IF I can get into the course, given the strong competition, the chances are pretty slim).
As it is a direct honours degree course, it'll take me 4 years to complete the course. And because my modules from HTM are not directly related to communication studies, there are only a few subjects that I can transfer credits to. And that would mean even if I want to accelerate my studies, it's only one semester faster at most. Do I want that? I don't know yet.
So let's say I don't accelerate, I'll graduate when I'm about 24 years old.
If I still want to fulfil my childhood dream of flying, I'll be pretty old. 25? As Tian said, how am I going to be able to compete for a place with the pretty young things? Those who are 18? 19? 21?
Yes, it's true that with a degree in communications I can actually have a slight advantage and I can command a higher pay too. But that job is after all very much based on youth, vitality and beauty. Unless someone can tell me that a 25-year-old has an equal opportunity of getting the coveted job as a flight stewardess.
Sigh.
Suddenly I feel very old... and as if there's not enough time for me to do what I wanna do.
My second option is to go fly with SIA first, complete the bond (3 or 5 years maybe), then come back to do my degree.
Is it feasible?
I really don't know.
Do I really wanna go back to studying full-time at the age of what, 25?
Then how about if I really fulfill my wishes of getting married by 25 years old? Study full-time still? Not really possible.
And I'm not even thinking of a part-time degree because mostly are not recognised, and I won't be able to concentrate. Yes. I know myself too well.
Sigh
Everytime I ask Mummy about this, she uses herself as an example and says that if she can get her Bachelor's degree at the age of 40, why can't I?
Why should I waste my opportunity to fulfill my dream while I'm young and able?
But somehow, I feel that though it's true that there's no such thing as being too old to study, can I?
I mean, it will be difficult to study and work, and take care of a family at the same time.
If I can avoid the tough life for myself, why not?
Mummy had a very very tough time trying to finish her studies and I ask myself, do I wanna go through all that too?
This is one topic that I cannot seem to discuss with her...
She's discouraging me from studying cos she says that by the time I graduate from NTU, she would be very old(which is only 45 years old by the way) and the other reason is that she has always wanted me to be an air stewardess. Mainly because it's a dream that she gave up because of me when she was young. And among her 3 daughters, I'm the only one in whom she sees the possibility of her dreams being fulfilled.
Sigh.
I really do want to study.
I really do want to get my degree.
I know that whether it's sooner or later, I will.
It's a matter of whether it's sooner or later.
So so troubled.
And there's no one I can truly talk to about it.
No one to give me the advice I need.
The person I'm closest to, well, suffice to say he doesn't really seem interested in the problem. Or rather, he doesn't see why I'm troubled over it.
Sigh.
I've got responsibilities to my family...
I'm not the only reason for my existence.
If I am, I'd no longer be here.
Sigh.
I'll be back lar.
'fallen_angel'
7:33 PM
